If you're in the market for a car and you happen to live in Los Angeles, congratulations. You've found your new car.

This listing, posted to Craigslist, features some of the best advertising copy we've ever seen. Don Draper hasn't got shit on this guy.

The '01 Civic is up for sale for A BARGAIN PRICE at just $3,293.67 - we'd pay that just to have this guy sell all our stuff in this way.

How is it so good, you ask? Just read the listing.

 

BACK UP

Are you ready to get to WORK? Then drive the car that says, "Shut the fuck up, I'm commuting!"

This boss 2001 Civic LX has 192k miles. This isn't your dad's Mercury Cougar that shit the bed after 97,000 miles. It's a Honda. It's just hitting puberty. It can be yours for $3,293.67.

Fast cars and big trucks all scream the same thing: "I'M OVERCOMPENSATING!" If you're secure about the size of your genitalia, drive something that tells the world you give zero shits because you average 35 MPfuckingG.

Complete with tinted windows up front. Why not the back windows? This ride doesn't care about some bitch-ass backseat driver (or child)! If you get tired of them complaining out of their pie-holes, you can nail them with ice-cold AC capable of freezing your dick/vagina right off.

The airbag (SRS) light came on randomly a couple weeks ago. I didn't bother fixing it because I'm not a pussy, and if my car is going to have a hard landing after jumping over an exploding train and the airbag is going to blast me in the face, I want it to be a surprise, like a hooker jumping out of a birthday cake. BOING

Front tires are ready to rock. Rear tires are fine although not quite as rock-ready, but what do you care? You're an LA driver--as soon as there's a drop of rain you're going to piss yourself and drive like the sky is falling, anyway.

This car is all-Civic, ladies. It hasn't been trashed and racing-modded by some yabbo, because it's a fucking Civic. Get real people.

But wait, there's more:
- Registered until July, 2015
- Manual transmission
- Side airbags (good incase car rolls over after a river-jump)
- CD player
- Tape deck so you can use a tape adapter to play music from your phone, you cheap bastard
- Cruise control
- Tilt wheel
- 3 floor mats that it stole from an older Civic on the playground
- Air conditioning
- A mildly squeaky belt that announces your arrival
- Teeth marks on the parking brake handle and one of the interior door handles because a previous owner must have been a real piece of shit and locked their dog in the car for too long. If you might do that to your dog, don't buy this car. But do come over so you can get the cuntpunch you deserve
- Interior 9.5/10, aside from bite marks
- Body 8/10. Gotta get some scars to earn your stripes on the street, yo.
- This is the actual mileage, unlike a vast majority of the other cheap Civics you're finding in this cesspool of used cars
- Half tank of gas. You're welcome.
- Clean title, full Carfax report available for anyone brave enough to ask

* angry cats not included

My name is Chris. Email me to set up a test drive. You must provide your own explosions.

** Yes, this is a real ad and this car is really for sale

 

Chris was also kind enough to include some kick-ass images to go along with the listing, which we also need you to look at. 

 

Chris, if you're reading this, godspeed with the sale. And, y'know, good luck with the cats too.

 

Via Craiglist