As promotional stories go, this wouldn't be the best one. You know, the public reading about you being a "violent bully" the day before you're about to go on live TV and gurn out a half-rap for their vote. A vote which they have to pay for (and which doesn't go to charity, I might add).

Making The Sun's frontpage today is a heart warming tale of how Cher (allegedly) bullied someone in her school for two years:

"A tormented teenager told last night how X Factor's Cher Lloyd 'made my life a misery for two years'. Ophelia Blakeway, 17, said the starlet bullied her remorselessly when they were school pupils. She added: 'I want people to hear the truth about what Cher was like. Everyone is making her sound like an angel but she caused me a lot of pain'... Stick-thin Cher, also 17, has cut a fragile figure on the TV talent show. But Ophelia told how the wannabe singer constantly picked on her when they were both pupils at Dyson Perrins High School, Worcs, between 2006 and 2008... Ophelia, an accounting student and part-time receptionist, said: 'My mum left me when I was three. It was always a weak point and she said I must have been a disappointment to my mum. She would say, 'She's abandoned you' and 'Who would want to raise a girl like you?' It would be in front of my friends and hers.' Ophelia, of Malvern, Worcs, said her most frightening confrontation with Cher came while they were in a changing room for a PE lesson. She added: 'Cher and all her mates were up for a fight - she has been in a lot of fights. They kept looking over and laughing. She had control over them. They were scared of her. A lot of people at Dysons (at her school, not a vacuum factory) were scared of her. She walked over and ripped at my hair - grabbed hold of it because I had a bun. I was so shocked. She yanked it so my head went down as if it was a warning to say she had power. I backed off and she called me a waste of space. She looked me up and down, with a threatening stare. She told me if I ever looked at her or told anyone, she would hit me. I said I wouldn't be in her way any more. After that I missed all the lessons I had with her. It got me behind at school and I had to catch up when I got to my GCSEs... What people are saying about her being fragile is nonsense. She's stubborn and strong.' Cher has revealed she was once suspended from school for a "cat fight" - but not one involving Ophelia."

C'mere, no wonder Cheryl wanted to keep her on; not only does Cher make her look well-nourished, therefore taking the spotlight off her own dwindling physique for a spell, Cher also makes her past penchant for fisticuffs appear meek by comparison.

Speaking of Cheryl, she's asked Simon if she can "clear the air" during tomorrow night's show as she's "absolutely horrified at the level of public anger over her decision" to keep Cher and Katie over Gamu.

Not so horrified that she forgot Simon's 51st birthday, mind: she sent him three musical midgets all sporting 'Happy Birthday Love, Cheryl' T-shirts. As you do.

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