It was a veritable who's who of celebrity offspring at last night's British Fashion Awards (which took place at London's Royal Courts of Justice, if you're a stickler of details).
The following sprang forth from the loins of Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall, Yasmin and Simon Le Bon, Richard Branson,Twiggy and (possibly) Rick Parfitt... Daisy Lowe (thank you, Gavin and Pearl) and Pixie Geldof (same to you, Bob and Paula) also attended, but the sight of them is hardly news. Although the glaring fact that Pixie is morphing into Judi Dench might be.
Daisy wasn't the only person to fashion a near dress out of long swatches of black material, we also have Eva Herzigova flashing just a hint of ass cheek. The likes of Victoria Beckham and Kate Moss went the other end of the spectrum, however, covering themselves from head to toe. While Victoria looks like she went to a lot of effort, what with the wildly intricate hairdo (why bother going to the trouble when you've not even grown the stuff yourself?) and dollops of fake tan, Moss resembles a coven member on laundry day. Like she's tumbled into her wardrobe and directly out the door, hasitly grappling with a pair of navy tights, 'cause she's late for the monthly bat boiling ritual. The belt's nice - 'cause it's the only thing breaking the block of black up. Even the likes of Hilary Alexander feels the urge to have a word:
Hilary: "You could've even broken it up with a large statement necklace like mine, darling."
Kate: "F*** 'um. I'm fabuloush no matter what. An why would I lisssen to you anyway. You look like an egg in a wig."
Perhaps she's right... Although, when Jamie Hince is more slickly coiffed than you, there is more than a burgeoning issue. Although it seems to be a uniform. Perhaps he'll recruit Henry Holland to duet with him in Mosshart's absence. They might even consider spray painting their quiffs blonde.
Those not quite setting the fashion world alight, although their hair screams the contrary, are Jodie Harsh and Laura Bailey. Although kudos must be given to the latter for bringing along her stuffed angora dog for warmth. Herself and the lady who climbed into a giant black fish and popped her head out it's mouth for a bit of heat would have had lots to banter about.
As for the rest of them: Myleene Klass never fails to bore the bits off me; it's refreshing seeing Claudia Schiffer in a photo which doesn't entail her dropping off her kids to school (even if she is wearing the material equivalent of ill-fitting rage); Shingai Shoniwa is fast becoming a red carpet whore; Karen Elson makes me proud of my tresses (enhanced or otherwise); Lauren Laverne resembles an ornately pretty piece of Velcro; for those of you not already acquiated to Simon Cowell's overlord - the man responsible for the Idol format (not to mention the Spice Girls) - meet one Simon Fuller (yip, Emma Bunton did that); does Jameela Jamil have some issue, not just with standing, but with the right side of her face as she nearly always has it covered? And has Danny Cipriani just clocked Danyl X Factor slinking up the carpet after him? And what in name of Jaysis is this?!
All these questions, and more, will never be answered.