Can all three of the nominated blights leave on Friday? And Bats McBaldwin. What a bunch of self-serving, utterly lost, juvenile malcontents. Heidi and Sov will never be happy. Kat, on the other hand, will be (the blissfully ignorant usually have a great laugh) but the public will resent her for it, and Stephen is still clinging to childhood rejection like a barbed soother, so should really consider spending the next two weeks in therapy instead of a house full of mirrors.
Last night's viewing was so filled with belligerent whining, moaning and petulance that the fingers can't bring themselves to repeat the dirge. The live Countdown segment was enjoyable, though. Wasn't the champion, Chris Davies, the bulb off Ed Byrne, but with decent teeth? And we all learned a useful new word: Tribades. According to the younger blonde version of Carol Vorderman (let's not make reference to the updated version of Richard Whiteley/Des Lynham/Des O'Conner. FAR too chipper), it's a "lesbian who engages in certain types of behaviour." To be more specific, it's a lesbian who enjoys engaging in the typically male role.
OK, briefly, the latest task involves all housemates under the age of 60 having to dress up as OAPS. Resident sexagenarians, Ivana and Stephanie, must act as carers, waiting on their housemates hand and foot. Both ladies threw themselves into the role, even though Ivana couldn't initially grasp the meaning of the term ("Vat isss carer?!"). Part of their job was to cook all the housemates food - and liquidise it. In short, Sov was a pain in the phantom gnads and was particularly impolite to the ladies who had been cooking nonstop for an hour and a half. She wanted both dinners on offer, and when she was told it was against the rules, she had a hissy fit of Kevin and Perry Go Large proportions ("Stop patronising me, stop patronising me") Even Alex had the wherewithal to see she was being a rude little discontent.
Heidi was the only one to back Sov up (Katia would have, but she only has the power of speech in the smoking section and certain parts of the bedroom), calling the people feeding her "Aren't they irritating everyone (Sisqo nodded in the negative)... stupid dumb bitches." Lovely. I know Heidi's having a rough time at the minute, but perhaps directing her anger elsewhere, or leaving the house prematurely as initially intended would be a better way to go about it. It's increasingly hard to feel empathy for someone who resembles Gollum spitting bile from a permanently reclined position. What has she done that's so clever? Trade off desperate flesh for a living and f***ed up her face in the process... Commendable stuff altogether.
As for Stephen; after his spate with Nicola (you know, when she asked him to apologise about saying she had selective memory regarding discussing nominations, rather than calling her memory plain sh*t), he now believes she is the devil incarnate who won't rest until he is dead - "just like all those pretty girls in school" who snubbed him. So definite is he about this fact that he ventured out into the cold of the smoking seat to arbitrarily inform Sov and Kat as much. In a word; sad. In a further three words; wholly unchristian like.
Last Night's Highlights: Sov handling Jonas's awkward request for a Katia update with surprising finesse... Stephanie saying to Ivana, "Lady, it was a pleasure to cook with you"... Vinnie using his cane as a gun when Stephen started banging on about Nicola being evil and playing a game... Sov, after acting like a dick at dinner, saying: "I look like a dick now"... Sisqo having a knickerfit after Ivana chose Alex to sit on the (5 man) Countdown team over him... Sisqo from the sidelines looking at the letters BRAIDTESK and shouting "BRIDAL SHOWER, it's definitely bridal shower"... Last Night's Lowlights: Heidi... Kat saying to a clearly wan Jonas: "I was just thinking, wouldn't it be funny if we were still sharing a bed and they (the carers) had to tuck both of us in!"... Jonas repeating "Yes, that would be sssoooooo funny" in a scary fashion.... What we Can Expect from Tonight's Show: Katia getting her baps partially out in front of a demonically happy, wet and quivering Jonas... Katia crying after Jonas reminds her that she's only a contestant because she had a high profile relationship... The contestants having a rather rough time of it while partaking in The Klapped Out Factor... Heidi saying: "They just sit there like idiots (hellew?)... Those two will be gone. They'll knock out those girls before me because they don't ever do anything. All they do is giggle and talk about farting and smoke. I'm sure the producers are struggling to get any kind of storyline out of them... She definitely is not a likable character (um, hellew again). She never talks, she never says anything but giggles with Sov like an idiot. Sov is always complaining and whining. She doesn't add any personality or flavour."