More earth shattering 'Are they really back together?!' news comes in the form of Amy Winehouse and her Blakey blathering at each other on Facebook. This was the number one celebrity story on The Sun online this morning, people. Soak it up.
*sighs* Here goes. Amy found herself logging on at 7am to post this: "I found a picture of you three boys in our old bathroom - I fink you'll remember it. You're in the bath making Harry wash you hair and Fred's jus smokin a salmon, leant up against the sink. Cool as f***. Love you. X"
If you found that cringesome, brace yourself for the response: "Love you too innit and vairvair proud of youse, know dis lioness civilishous. X"
What the F**K is that?! And the mad thing is, seemingly he hasn't even got the drugs to blame, either; he also managed to post this:
"Blizzle sizzle has got this no drugs ting boxed off. Turns out all I ever needed was a bit of self-respect an a bit of self-belief. Talking of self-respect I'm on Celebrity Come Dine With Me next week."
The Sun merrily trotted off to Channel 4 only to get the inevitable response: "It would be a great story, but I'm afraid he isn't lined up to do the show."
Imagine. Blake lying on the kitchen floor, laptop upturned, surrounded by stray kittens, breakfast bar wrappers and Yop bottles, mumbling "siiiizzle me blizzle. Isss called self-respec' 'n sh*t, innit." The voice over dude would have a field day.
If you happen to be a fan of Amy's work, you might like to sample some of the rhymes she's been penning for her prospective rapping career. She posted the footage of her performing this very rap on the hinternet, but it's best for all involved if you just read it instead.
"Listen. I can write ten raps a night, it don't matter but you know that it's tight.
" Will never wear my hair out unless I am with the best.
Oh snap I never knew that. Well I know that I'm a Jew. Well, a Jewmaican.
Anyway if you can, uh, smoke bacon, then, uh, I reckon that ah ah.
I never knew that Zalon was so good at drums, it makes me feel dumb.
You understand what I'm saying, and my boys be playing."
Inspired. Amy has been treating her neighbours to her new rhymes at various stages during the night: "They've asked her to keep it down a few times. She has been complying by turning off amps and stopping playing the guitar after midnight but she has still been singing until silly o'clock. No one wants to fall out with her as it's quite a close community, but if it carries on they'll be taking it further."