That this sping-tingling edition of Rumours features Britney Spears, Jamie Oliver's new offspring, Amy Winehouse, Sienna Miller, Kylie Minogue, Cheryl Cole, the late Jade Goody, and Noel Fielding wearing the face off a teenager......... That Mathew Horne was "rushed to hospital yesterday after collapsing on stage" during the afternoon performance of Entertaining Mr. Sloane... That the 30-year-old lay motionless on the boards while his co-star Simon Paisley Day said "is there a doctor in the house"... That, after a doctor confirmed the doable half of Horne and Corden was suffering from "stress", his spokesperson said: "Mat has worked flat-out (and presumably partied hard) for three months. He was feeling off-colour but decided to go on"... That Jonathan Rhys Meyers's glass-eyed PR tour for season three of The Tudors has come to an abrupt halt: "After appearances on a handful of TV shows, Rhys Meyers disappeared from the airwaves and skipped booked spots on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and the Martha Stewart show on Wednesday and Thursday respectively. The star's spokeswoman, Meredith O'Sullivan, insists a bout of illness is to blame for his no-shows. She said: 'After Jonathan completed two full press days in New York, he came down with something ("stress?") and we had to pull him from his remaining press'... That, of Britney Spears's burgeoning affair with a K-Fed type backing dancer, OK! Magazine said: "Things got steamier the next night in Montreal, where the pair hooked up at *inahles* The Circus Starring Britney Spears Tour's afterparty at Tribe Hyperclub. 'She sat on his lap and they kissed,' an eyewitness tells OK! The duo then reportedly went into the bathroom and the door was blocked by bodyguards. 'Nine minutes later, they came out,' the eyewitness says. Looks like the singer is in love again - but insiders say it's not her dancer whom she desires - Britney has fallen for her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, and is trying to rebuild their broken family"... That makes no sense whatsoever... That Amy Winehouse has returned to St. Lucia to record her new album... That Pixie Geldof (18) was spotted wearing the face off Noel Fielding (33) in a Landan nightclub: "The pair buried themselves in a VIP corner, but everyone could see that they were flirting wildly. Before long they ditched subtleties and began full-on snogging in full view of the entire club. Pixie showed no signs of slowing down, sweeping Noel back to Covent Garden with her party crowd"... That should please his girlfriend Dee Robots in Disguise no end... That, today, Jamie Oliver has become a dad for the third time, and he's consistently shooting his X chromosome: "The British kitchen guru and wife Jools welcomed their third daughter, at London's Portland Hospital. The tot, named Petal Blossom Rainbow *scoffs*, weighed in at 6lb 10oz. A statement from the pair reads, 'Both she and Jools are doing well. Jamie and Jools are both completely smitten with Petal already.' The couple has two other daughters - Poppy Honey, seven, and Daisy Boo, five"... That Kylie Minogue said: "I think it makes it (hard) for her (Dannii) when she gets Louis Walsh's rather pathetic jibes - one of which is she hasn't had a hit record. That's not true. He has no idea where she's come from. No idea. And neither does England. And that's quite hard. She was on TV every week from seven years old. I'm just so proud of my sister and it annoys the hell out of me when comparisons between us are made in an unfavourable way to her"... That Miley Cyrus said: At one of the very first awards shows I ever did, there was a bottle of vodka in my gift bag. No one cared that they were giving this to a 12-year-old. I think that's what's messed up so many people. I feel like the rules are the rules, you know? If you're not 21, you don't get into a bar. You don't go to clubs. In this business you see so many people who are told yes all the time, and if someone says no, they get all upset. They look to their publicist, manager or agent for approval, rather than their parents"... That, of renewing her wedding vows, Cheryl Cole said last November: "Why the hell would I renew my vows when I only got married a couple of years ago? It's ridiculous. It's as tacky as hell"... That Ashley must not've read that article... That Sienna Miller "was given a police escort as she departed out of LAX Airport in Los Angeles on Wednesday having arrived just the day before to reportedly visit Josh Hartnett as he recovers in hospital"... That Sienna "enjoyed a fling" with Hartnett while he was starring in the West End production of Rain Main... That's exactly when, according to his agent, he picked up this mysterious gastric illness *strokes chin*... That, of rumours she's pregnant, Kate Moss said: "I've been pregnant for two years. Ever since I met my boyfriend I've been pregnant. I'm not"... That Shooting Stars will return to our screens for a run in the autumn... That the line up will remain the same, with the exception of Will Self; he will be replaced by Jack Dee... That some things should just be LEFT ALONE... That Jade Goody will finally be laid to rest tomorrow afternoon... That, according to The Sun, "Fans will watch on screens outside St John the Baptist Church, Buckhurst Hill, Essex. Thousands are expected to line the streets as the 21-car cortege travels from undertaker FA Albin & Sons in Bermondsey, South London. The firm are giving their £25,000 fee to her children's trust fund. Jade's sons Bobby, five, and Freddie, four, are in Australia with dad Jeff Brazier, 29"... That the 27-year-old's final note to her sons, which accompanies a photo album of their lives together, reads: "Dear Bobby and Freddie - I have asked for this book to be made so that when you are older, you can remember just how much fun we had. I thank God that we made the most of our time together and I treasure the moments we shared... These are my most precious memories. Some person much wiser than me once said that if you never discovered something you would die for, then you haven't lived. Well, you are both proof that I have lived. I will love you always. Mummy"... That you've a heart of asbestos if that didn't move you in the slightest... ... That you can see what other celebrities are up to in Caught Out... 

OTHER RUMOURS...