That the Arctic Monkeys ruffled a few feathers backstage at the Reading Festival after insisting on having their own private area sealed off specifically for them: "At festivals most bands take the opportunity to hang out with each other but the Monkeys demanded privacy. They had their own area set up away from the other acts on the bill, which was guarded at all times by two security guards. Now they're on their third number one album they can make any demand they want and have it granted"... That Florence Welch said: "My mother came to a gig recently. She said she enjoyed it, but it was too loud and she wishes she could hear what I was saying. She doesn't like the music industry. She'd much rather I was doing something else, but she does say that when she sees me on stage she understands why I do it. But she so wishes that I was just at university"... That Florence (wisely) dropped out of art college to pursue pop stardom... That, of the global recession and mounting job losses, Natalie Portman said: "I think it's kind of an exciting time. I mean, everyone is cutting back. It's happening in every industry - including our own. All of a sudden, people are doing jobs that they hate and they're not making as much money as they thought they would or they've lost their jobs entirely. I've started to see people looking more toward their own passions and what really excites them"... That both Natalie and Florence's mother should hook up for some fairy dust tea in lollipop lane to exchange pleasantries regarding the flurry of lucrative post art college careers, and perhaps the current baby boom - which has come about due to jobless souls finding they can't afford any meager pleasures in life, other than perfunctory, rhythm method sex... That Anne Robinson said: "I'm quite pragmatic. If there was a lovely blonde with huge breasts and long legs who had my experience and wit, I'd be out of a job. There are a lot of pretty young things with not much talent appearing on television here, and I don't think that young guys who are not as attractive would get those gigs"... They just have to wait until they're 60, and held upright by layers of fake tan and hair plugs... That, of rumours he provided the sperm which went on to create Blanket Jackson, Macauley Culken's rep said: "The inquiries are too preposterous for us to even acknowledge"... That Renee Zellweger was in a car crash which saw one of her "headlights shattered"... A source said: "This is not her fault. Someone made a U-turn into her" *waggles eyebrows*... Zellwegger just so happens to be in the midst of promoting her new film, My One And Only... That Adam Clayton said: "I've never necessarily chosen to be a bachelor. I've had girlfriends throughout the past 20 or 30 years. It's just that there were times when I met people who fascinated me and times I didn't. In a loving relationship, as an expression of freedom and fantasy, I think sex is very important"... That we should appreciate Bono for not letting Adam get a word in edgeways 95% of the time... On this occasion, however, Clayton did come across with a morsel of normality: "If I could only take one thing on tour it would be Irish tea bags. Barry's decaffeinated tea bags. I know it sounds crazy, but if you don't travel with your own tea, it never tastes the same"... That you can see what other celebrities/scantily clad sorts are up to in Caught Out...

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