That this week's most famous hooker, Irma Nici, grinned her vacant head off when she was photographed receiving the Beckhams' £16million writ. As it turns out, In Touch magazine were told before publication that the story they were due to run about David was a pack of fibs: "The defamatory statements about Beckham are libellous and slanderous. These statements falsely accuse Beckham of criminal and adulterous activity. The defamatory statements expose him to hatred, contempt, ridicule and obloquy because they inaccurately portray Beckham as an unfaithful husband who put his wife's health at risk by engaging in sexual acts with prostitutes"... That, of coming out, Joe McElderly said Cheryl was real supportive when he officially came out: " She had a lot of her own stuff going on, so it wasn’t really appropriate for me to just call her up and go, 'Guess what Cheryl?' But she was fine - she texted me and said, 'I'm glad you’ve managed to get it out'"...That Madonna will appear on The X Factor... A source told the Daily Mirror newspaper: "Madonna would be the perfect performer to kick off the last stage of the competition"... That Wyclef Jean's been hospitalised: "Wyclef Jean has had an extremely gruelling three months - truly an exhausting eight months, since the earthquake when he recommitted himself to our homeland and his passion for our people. He is currently suffering the effects of lack of sleep and stress, global travel, even the endless public eye, and has asked that his fans and supporters bear with him for the next several days as he regains his physical health and stamina. Then he will be back out in front of the crusade to rebuild Haiti and his pledge to make it even better for business"... That Charlotte Church asked Gavin to OK her new relationship - with a song writer she's been working with: "I'd been writing with Johnny for a while, but it was a good couple of months after me and Gavin split (allll the way back in May). I asked Gav's permission in a way. I said to him, 'I really want you to know that nothing ever went on between me and Johnny while we were still together'"...  That Pixie Lott keeps landing acting roles, the latest of which sees her play Sharon Stone's daughter: "It's crazy, isn't it? It (the film Sweet Baby Jesus) is released next year. It's a comedy about a man named Joe who accompanies his pregnant girlfriend Mary to Bethlehem, where the villagers assume they are the second coming. I’m playing Mary and Sharon Stone plays my mum. Adrien Brody (?!) and Bette Midler are both in it too. I feel so lucky that the cast is so amazing. It's going to be a privilege to work with them. I had no idea things would take off so quickly"... Neither did I, as it happens... That Lindsay Lohan has been trying to sell photos of her with her SCRAM bracelet to outlets: "Lindsay Lohan was calling around the pap agencies all weekend trying to get $10,000 upfront to pose up in the SCRAM bracelet. All of the major players passed, and she ended up doing the setup with a small agency. She was pimping it out all weekend, looking for ten grand, but who wants to deal with that headache?"... That another chef who appeared on the US version of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares has committed suicide: "A New Jersey restaurateur, Joseph Cerniglia, once featured on Gordon Ramsay's "Kitchen Nightmares" - and told by the TV chef that his debt-ridden eatery was 'about to swim down the Hudson' - was found floating in the river after jumping off the George Washington Bridge"... That I'm out of action until Friday, Alicia will be looking after things in the interim...
 

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