As has become customary with red (or, in this case, green) carpet affairs in London; it piddled a menagerie of animals upon the attendees of Tim Burton's Alice in W*nkerland premiere last night.
Some celebrated the rain (before suffering the results of staring skyward when it's plummeting rain drops), while others pissed and moaned (before resembling Ruby Wax?). Some dressed appropriately for the occasion (it's only the flicks, innit), while others went overboard to promote their underwear campaign (trust that's Agent Provocateur, Daisy? Not that that excuses this whorish ensemble of a February), or got caught up in the crowd en route to Pret A Mange while on a study break.
Then there were the dresses. Oh, and Johnny Depp. But back to the dresses. I've been seduced by Mia Wasikowska's (she plays Alice) dress. Dainty yet it would rough you up given half a chance. It also fared ok in the damp conditions. We've already touched on Avril Lavinge, but it's worth pointing out what a lovely creature she's finally turning into (bar the dodgy dye job). On to one of the themes of the evening - warped boobs. Helena Bonham Carter's breasts appear to be lactating material (much to the disdain of Eileen Grimshaw). Yep, that's the worst thing I managed to pin on this thing. The extraneous flesh coloured tie thing, the mucky shoes, the Shakespeare sleeves, and the deck of cards clutch bag aren't as offensive as the dress weeping material from a choice area. As for Anne Hathaway's ensemble, where are they meant to be? Are they meant to be in such close proximity of her chin? Are half of them rigorously strapped down while the other half are hooshed up towards her decollate? Then there was Jemma Powell (she plays Margaret Kingsleigh), who opted to truss her left one up for band practise.
Whatever about the boobs; it wasn't enough to for Eleanor Tomlinson (Fiona Chattaway) to simply showcase her wares in a bodice akin to my sister's pre-debs dress circa 1989, she also had to jar the onlooker by smuggling her own box of popcorn up the skirt. Or maybe it's a cushion, 'cause the cinema seats numb her ass? Maybe she simply put the skirt on upside down? This, however, must have been better than her onscreen sister's ensemble. Eleanor Gecks (Faith Chattaway), for the night that was in it, invited Beatlejuice (as featured in a Tim Burton film of the same name, which didn't star Helena Bonham Carter OR Johnny Depp) as her date. So horrified was he by her ensemble, he offered himself as drapage. She protested at first, she hardly knew him, but he'd washed himself that afternoon for the occasion (albeit with a rogue red sock), so she soon got into the spirit of things.
As for the other attendees, Babs Windsor came as an equal opportunities air steward (she should've dressed up more considering Prince Charles was rather excited about meeting her again. Yep, he had a line of expectant Hollywood fodder waiting to meet him, but it was Peggy Mitchell who got him going). Paloma Faith came as female equivalent of The Mad Hatter (savage shoes); Walliams and Cordon came together; Gabriella Climi came as Velma Kelly, and Patti Smith came? Perhaps she was there for some White Rabbit action...