The internet has made the prospect of a love life both fantastically easier, and infinitely more difficult. On top of the ability of being able to talk to almost anyone, you’re now cursed with the ability of being able to talk to ALMOST ANYONE! You’re constantly on show, being judged, like some kind of online romantic Crufts show.
Then there’s the dating websites and apps available to use, dependent on if you’re looking for friends, a long term relationship, a one night thing, what kind of person you’re looking for. Plenty Of Fish, eHarmony, Match.com, Tindr, OkCupid, Grindr… we could go on.
But we’re here to help, guys. We’ve done the slightest amount of research, basically asking users of these sites “What do guys do on online dating that annoys you?”, and received a deluge of responses. So here you go guys, stuff that the ladies and the other guys find most irritating about your dating profiles.
NO TORSO SHOTS!
Oh, you work out, huh? You go to the gym? You’ve got a rocking bod? Good for you! But let your date find that out for themselves! This isn’t a model scout, and it isn’t getting the response you think it is. Unless it is simply for the sake of a single hook-up, the most likely reaction to your headless, abs-only pic is “Oh, that’s hot. Moving on…”
If you are insistent of showing off how good you look, then for the love of God, don’t take a selfie in the gym. You could be out playing an actual sport, or on a beach somewhere, a situation where posing for a photo with not much in the way of wearing clothes is an acceptable thing.
And while we’re on the issue of photos…
NO GROUP PHOTOS!
If your profile photo is of you and three or four of your mates, then one of two things is going to happen: (1) people will automatically assume you’re the ugliest one in the group, (2) even if you’re not the ugliest one of the group, there’s probably some handsomer than you in the pic, and when you’re potential date finds out that it’s not you, then that’s game over.
No group photos of you with ANY women. NONE! Even if it’s with your Mom, cos you might think that’s cute, but everyone else will think you’re still attached via umbilical cord. And if it’s someone you’re not related to, then the obvious question arises: “What’s wrong with him that she found undateable?”
"Oh... I thought you were the seven-foot rugby player in your photo..."
NO MADE UP STUFF!
“I’m really into swimming, hiking and kayaking…”
No. No you’re not. You go swimming once a year when you go on holiday, and even then, it’s really more just floating in a pool with a margarita in your hand. Climbing Bray Head last summer doesn’t constitute as hiking. And while you might think kayaking is interesting and just obtuse enough to sound sexy, you’re guaranteed to end up chatting to the biggest kayaking fan in the world, and then what are you gonna do?
We know that you want to make yourself sound as good as you possibly can, but lying or exaggerating to the point of lying isn’t a good colour on anyone. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed if you think you’re not particularly active or interesting, other folk aren’t really interested in any of that.
Sure, you’ll probably get some good first date conversation out of it, but when it comes right down to it, all anyone really cares about is that you’re nice, funny and intelligent, in that order. Everything else is secondary. So try to get that across in your profile, instead of talking about being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.
"So wait, you're not friends with Channing Tatum and Hugh Jackman? But you said so on your profile..."
NO VAGUE SELF-DESCRIPTIONS!
“Don’t really know what to write here, not into writing essays about myself, so if there’s anything you want to know, just ask!” Has anyone ever read this and thought to themselves “You know what? I definitely WILL ask him something!” No, they sure haven’t.
Let’s not pussy-foot around here, you’re on here to sell yourself. And if you can’t take the time to write a little bit about yourself, then people will assume that you either think you’re too good for all this, or you’ve actually got nothing to say about yourself.
Give people something – ANYTHING! – to use as a conversation opener. “Really like movies, just went to see The Lego Movie, and loved it!” How hard is that?
NO TIMEWASTING!
In this day and age, people don’t have patience for waiting around anymore. Especially with insta-hook’up apps all the rage at the moment, if you don’t reply now, someone else will, and you’re gone and forgotten about and alone. Sad face.
But on the dating websites, firstly make sure you’re checking your messages every few days. If weeks pass by before you reply to someone’s message, they’ve already changed their opinion of you. And if someone is messaging you, and its going well, and they want to meet, don’t chicken out, and don’t keep postponing.
You’re both on here for the same thing, so just get to it, get on with your life, and the worst thing that will happen is that you get an awful few hours of a first date that you’ll get to tell your friends about afterwards.
So that’s it guys, that’s pretty much all the help we can give you. The rest is up to you. Ladies, you’re probably wondering why we don’t have any advice for you? Well, that’s because the ball is usually almost always in your court. The dating world is ruled by women, you call the shots, so you don’t need our help. But the guys… they need all the help they can get.