Or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Terrible Netflix movies
Netflix has transformed viewing habits worldwide but one thing that isn't talked about enough is how it has perfected the hate-watch.
If you're unfamiliar with what a hate-watch is, you've certainly guiltily participated in it, if not full-on indulged. Hate-watching is essentially viewing a show or movie knowing you'll dislike and even hate it. You're basically watching it with the intention of ripping the piss afterwards.
It's gas because on the one hand, Netflix are producing some of the best TV shows out there and Oscar contending movies. On the other hand, the service is putting out some godawful movies and series (and tonnes of mediocre stuff in between).
So why is that? Because the streaming service knows its audiences. It knows that for all our demands for quality content, more often than not, when we come home from a long day's work, we just want to watch a bunch of utter shite.
Interestingly, there are more hate-watch movies than TV series on Netflix. The reason for this is three-fold. 1. They're quicker to roll out. 2. Netflix is aware that while people will indulge in terrible content, they'll only do so for so long and watching a series is a long commitment. 3. Netflix's calling card for quality is the TV shows it produces so if it puts out bad ones, that could damage their rep.
With all that in mind, we've come up with some recommendations for your hate-watching at home. You'll notice a lot of terrible teen rom coms in there, which Netflix audiences can't get enough of. There are also some bad thrillers and of course the greatest guilty pleasure of all - rubbish Christmas movies.
Secret Obsession
Newlywed Jennifer (Brenda Song) awakens with amnesia having been hit by a car after running away from a hooded man. Fortunately her husband Russell (Mike Vogel - 'The Help') is a constant support to her both in the hospital and when they return home. BUT THERE'S A TWIST.
Falling Inn Love
Underappreciated at work with a boyfriend who won't commit, Gabriela Diaz (Christina Milian) enters a contest online and wins an inn in New Zealand. When she arrives to claim her prize, she finds it's a crumbling facade. Luckily local contractor and volunteer firefighter (of course) Jake Taylor (Adam Demos) is there to help and when Gabriela catches feelings, she wonders if she can leave her old life in San Fran behind. Count the cliches.
The Perfect Date
Highschooler Brooks Rattigan (Noah Centineo, the king of Netflix original teen rom coms) sets up an app where women can pay to go on dates with him. He's basically a male gigolo, but family-friendly.
The I-Land
A group of ten very attractive people wake up on a tropical beach trying to find out why they're there and piece together whatever clues to their origin. No, it's not 'Lost'.
Riverdale
Even fans who've been following 'Riverdale' from the start would have to admit, the show is getting increasingly ridiculous and terrible. Season 4 about the kids of the titular town who just can't stay out of trouble has just begun.
The Kissing Booth
Elle Evans (Joey King) has been best mates with Lee Flynn (Joel Courtney) for forever. They've made rules to maintain their friendship, including being forbidden from dating each other's relatives. But what happens when Elle and Lee's brother Noah (Jacob Elordi) start falling for one another? Perhaps they'll act like adults and sit down to have a conversation about it. Or maybe they'll just blow it up into an unnecessary drama.
Tall Girl
By no means the worst offender here (that honor probably is a two-way tie between 'The Kissing Booth' and 'Falling Inn Love'), 'Tall Girl' is lazy and totally playing into teenage insecurities. It follows Jodi (Ava Michelle), the tallest girl in school, who thinks she'll never find love until a tall, handsome, Swedish exchange student named Stig (Luke Eisner) joins class. It has some John Hughes vibes but its ending is just the worst and makes you feel kinda gross.
After
She's supposed to be the well-behaved, dedicated college student and she has a boyfriend back in her hometown. But this rebel college boy with a dark secret has her feeling tingly.
The Princess Switch
Basically a female revamp of The Prince and the Pauper. And it's Christmas. A Chicago baker and the prince's fiancee switch lives for a couple of days when they realise they're identical. Vanessa Hudgens from the 'High School Musical' movies plays the pair a la Lindsay Lohan.
A Christmas Prince
As with 'The Princess Switch', there's Christmas, royalty and a wedding on the line - the ultimate combination for a hate-watch. A reporter gets a chance to prove herself at work, going undercover as a tutor to get the inside scoop on a playboy prince. But whoopsies, she ends up falling in love.
It has two sequels if you're in a particularly hateful mood.