Badum-tish.
Biochemist Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) has been working since he was a boy to find a way to cure himself and his friend, Milo (Matt Smith), of a rare blood disease. However, when he successfully splices his genes with the vampire bat, he gains superhuman abilities but thirsts for human blood...
Yes, we couldn't even come up with something more inventive for that headline, folks. But, quite honestly, 'Morbius' doesn't deserve it. Yes, we are surprised as you are that the oft-delayed and completely unnecessary adaptation of 'Morbius' starring Jared There Is No Method In My Method Acting Leto and directed by the journeyman's journeyman Daniel Espinosa is bad. Who could have seen this? How could we have known? Surely, there must have been signs, right?
Every time a poster or a trailer emerged for 'Morbius', it was met with a chorus of silence online. Jared Leto doing a superhero movie? Sure, why not. In this day of fallen values and late-stage capitalism, we will all do a superhero movie eventually. And they will all have the same plot as 'Morbius'. World-renowned professional goes too far to save himself, his plan goes awry, gifts him with superhuman abilities but comes at a heavy cost. His friend or significant other is jealous, wants it for themselves, big bust-up at the end. Have you seen this before? Of course you have. It's the same plot that's been used for decades now. At every step of the way, you find that 'Morbius' has taken the safest, easiest option when it comes to its story and script.
'Morbius' is painfully dated, yes, but it's so much more than that. It so incredibly lacks imagination and vitality that, quite honestly, you have to wonder how anyone involved managed to turn up and do their work. Leto's vampire makeup, for example, is so completely uninspired. Think of something like 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', for example. That was the '90s, and it had better-looking makeup than whatever CGI splooge they were using here. Also, if you're going to have a vampire as your central character, isn't there supposed to be some kind of sexiness woven into the fabric of it all? If you're not going to have that, then it's got to be bloody and horrific. 'Morbius' is neither of those things.
When compared to 'Venom', which had the decency to be at least entertainingly bad, 'Morbius' instead is so disjointed and poorly made that it offers nothing of value. The editing looks like it was done with a rusted chainsaw, Matt Smith looks like he walked off the set of the 'Thriller' video when he's in his vampire makeup, Jared Leto's performance is as lifeless as anything he's done in years, and quite honestly, you're just watching this hoping beyond hope that Mahershala Ali turns up as Blade and beating the crap out of people while talking about motherf***ers wanting to ice-skate uphill.