*Vin Diesel voice* Family.
When their former captain (Joe Pantoliano) is implicated in a corruption scandal, Miami PD cops Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence) and Mike Lowery (Will Smith) work to clear his name, and uncover a web of conspiracies that sees them on the run from the law and battling a deranged military operator (Eric Dane) who's out for revenge against Lowery's estranged son (Jacob Scipio)...
Let's get the obvious stuff out of the way. No, there are no straight-on jokes about Will Smith slapping people. If anything, he himself gets slapped a couple of times in a hectic scene with Martin Lawrence in the final hectic shootout of the movie. Is Will Smith self-aware enough to make a joke out of the thing that is likely to define the rest of his career? Possibly not.
'Bad Boys: Ride or Die' is very much taking the same vibe and beats of the last few 'Fast and Furious' movies and adding in the sagging comedic dynamic between Lawrence and Smith. Trying that when 'Fast and Furious' is on the way out and has been mostly terrible in the last few entries doesn't necessarily smack of savvy thinking. Then again, that's probably the best quality about 'Bad Boys: Ride or Die' - its willingness to be dumb and naff all at once, and somehow still remain entertaining in a very basic, unfettered way. There's very little in this that's sophisticated, yet like much of Will Smith's discography, it's catchy in a frustrating way. You can't help but nod along to it, despite knowing there's better out there and far more skilful.
Smith and Lawrence, both on the wrong side of 50, can still throw themselves through glass windows and dive over the hoods of expensive cars with guns akimbo. Yet, for all of their willingness to do this, it's unmistakably clear that neither of them is actually doing it. Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are not Tom Cruise and Keanu Reeves, and thus, the action falls to others to make it more believable. Far and away, the best action set piece of the movie doesn't actually involve either Smith or Lawrence. It's none other than Reggie - who's now actually thirty! - who goes on a rampage and wipes out a team of henchmen in a flash before ending his killstreak with a salute to the camera. Yes, really.
Directors Adil and Bilall have a vibrant, stylish command of the camera and the edit. There's a flashy point-of-view scenes where the camera is literally strapped to Will Smith's chest as he shoots his way through an abandoned theme park with a killer alligator on the loose. There are explosions, car chases, cameos from Lionel Messi and Michael Bay, and most of all, a completely daft script and story that falls apart with the slightest bit of examination and is far too convoluted for something this brainless and disposable.
If Smith and Lawrence somehow have another one in them, the chances of it being terrible are through the roof as it's a minor miracle that the last one was as good as it was. 'Bad Boys: Ride or Die' skates by on the strength of its flash and style and its competent supporting cast, but the wheels are starting to wobble literally everywhere else. With one year shy of three decades, maybe the ride is finally over. This is the one to go out on.