Well I don't belieeeeeeve it, said Victor Meldrew. They've only gone and cast the role of Anastasia Steele in the most talked about sexy (crap) book turned film, FIfty Shades of Grey. And we can now tell you the role has gone to none other than...
*drumrollplease*
Dakota Johnson. Who? Don't know her? She's Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson's daughter. She starred in The Social Network (for like a SECOND), she's in some TV show called Ben and Kate AND she starred as the world's most annoying girlfriend to Jason Segel's character in The Five Year Engagement.
Are we enthused? No. We haven't got a whole lot to go on to really make a judgement but we guess she'll fit the bill.
What really matters now is who'll be cast as Christian Grey. Chemistry between the two lead actors is imperative here more than ever. Y'know, 'cause they've to do stuff. In the bedroom. Do NOT go to see this one with your parents. Do NOT make the mistake I seem to repeatedly make myself. I was watching Celeste and Jesse Forever at home the other day. My dad was catching flies on the couch. He eventually woke up, but only at the exact point when someone was tending to their own needs (ahem) on top of a cringing Rashida Jones. She wasn't the only one cringing, let me tell you that much. 'What's this filth you're watching?' said my Dad. I'm 25 and I live at home; kill me.
Then, last night, I indulged my mother in a spot of Hope Springs, starring Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep. In this movie her character is set with the task of giving her husband oral sex - in a cinema, no less - as they attempt to rekindle their jaded marriage. Yeah, one for the parents, not one to watch WITH the parents.