With today's news of Alex Ferguson's retirement, our mind has jumped to the inevitable conclusion that we'll be getting wind of a Fergie movie any moment now. Right now, there's bound to be movie industry movers and shakers dreaming up a narrative centred on the Man United manager's life and planning their request for the rights to his life story. We'd watch it, would you?
One question remains, though, who would take on the titular role? We've been busy procrastinating over coffee about who'll replace him as manager, who'll be tempted to throw in the towel alongside him and who, among the current pool of working actors, would best portray the man that's made many a Man United fan shed a tear today. Here's who we've come up with.
1. A trimmed down Ricky Tomlinson - well, only because he played Mike Bassett in Mike Bassett: England Manager and was pretty damn funny. Perhaps it could be a comedy? Fergie does have somewhat of a wry Scottish sense of humour. No?
2. A trimmed down Ray Winstone - lookswise they're close enough and he's a well known British movie star sooo...
3. Tommy Lee Jones? Now they certainly do look alike, though Jones is arguably more attractive. But you're always going to upgrade for your movie doppleganger, right?
4. Gerard Butler? He's Scottish, and he starred in a horrific movie about Celtic called Playing for Keeps. Perhaps a good choice if this is a straight-to-DVD kind of picture.
5. Peter Mullan? He was in Trainspotting so at least he can act. And he's also Scottish.
6. And since we're on a Scottish role, let's just throw out Robbie Coltraine.
7. And what of some Irish actors, Brendan Gleeson?
8. Daniel Day-Lewis (eh, we're claiming him as Irish so don't give us any shit)? Could round out his collection of Oscar statues to an even number 4.
9. Mark McManus from Taggart, God rest his soul. Spitting image.
10. Last but by no meals least, Brendan from sales has said Will Smith could do a stellar job. Versatile thespian that he is.
And what about the other key characters who could be woven in to the story? Well, Eric Cantona could just star as Eric Cantona. He did give the whole acting thing a go so maybe this could be his breakout role. Or Jackie Chan, as someone else has just suggested. Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) as Veron? Remember when Fergie bought him and set him up to be one of the greatest additions to the Ferguson era? Well that didn't work out too well. And what about Gary Neville? And Roy Keane? TV Editor Sarah has just suggested Jonathan Rhys Myers as he too is from Cork. Or Mel Gibson. They do have similar facial hair. And actually Tommy Tiernan would be fantastic at Keane too. Wayne Rooney? Shrek, no questions asked. Or a potato. And we'd have to have a bit of David Beckham in there too, we vote Orlando Bloom for that one. Matthew McConaughey as Peter Schmichael? Carel Struycken as Jaap Stam? Or Bruce Willis. Cristiano Ronaldo? That'd have to be The Situation from Jersey Shore. Or alternatively they could just cast a tantrum-throwing toddler who'd be a dab hand at launching themselves headfirst on to the ground, whinging and what have you.
Over to you, any suggestions to add?