Halloween is coming one day early to Montrose this year. Yip, the woman who is currently second place in our poll of 'People Most Likely to Induce a Rash' is going to be batting her plastic lashes in the direction of Tubridy tonight. 'Cause the Irish desperately need to read her book about style, too, innit. 'Cause who wouldn't want to spend their hard-earned/dwindling money on resembling a pneumatic lap dancer that's been attacked in a tinfoil factory. While we're at it, how is she going to ensure that the ball of delusion buying her book will "stand out" from the already heaving gaggle of feeble-esteemed drones encased in moulds of fake tan / hair / nails / breasts / etc? The only way Jordan stands out is by spending an presumably disgusting amount of money on garish ensembles.
According to the RTE website, Tubs will ask the same pre-approved questions asked by Graham Norton last Monday night: "Ryan is set to chat to Katie Price, aka Jordan, about motherhood, her recent high-profile divorce from singer Peter Andre and her new relationship with cage fighter, Alex Reid." And her book, Ryan. Don't forget to talk about her book, which is out now. About three months since her last book was released. In fact, ask her how the sales are going. Not well, I'd imagine, given she's gracing you with her presence.
She squeezed her appendages into a peacock inspired dress for her turn on Norton's show, she'll probably pour them into two hollowed out pumpkins tonight. Not that I'll be tuning in to watch it - especially since RTE have also revealed that Alexandra 'Gush Bucket' Burke will also feature on tonight's how.
You can also mark Tuesday in your diary as a day to avoid the telly, for Jordan's going to be the first guest to appear on the new series of The F Word. And what dish will she be making? You'll never guess. Are you ready?! Overstuffed chicken kiev's, of course. No room for banal innuendo there at all.
I'm calling upon those who keep voting for Megan Fox in the poll to read the following excerpt from the interview carefully:
Talking Breasts: I'm not high maintenance believe it or not."
Gordon Ramsay: "Katie Price, excuse me? That's like me saying I'm a vegetarian!"
Talking Breasts: "But I'm not! OK my hair every three months costs £15,000 and that's because I go to LA and the flight costs a lot."
Why, that's not at all rash-inducing *scratches elbow fervently*. I mean, it's not as if she charges in the region of £50k per public appearance, meaning she's getting a fair whack of license money to appear on our national broadcaster tonight, or anything *scratches inner ear in an attempt to reach brain* It's not, like, you know, we're possibly paying towards her quarterly hair extension trips, which amounts to approximately £60 GRAND A YEAR, OR ANYTHING *Itches out eyes, before passing out in a pile of skin cells, hair, calomine lotion and brain tissue*
