"Jordan was quite crude and any time there was crude talk I'd move out of the camp because I'm a prude. Whenever I heard things about Alex and what they did in bed I'd get up and go away. She would talk about how Alex liked this and Alex liked that. I didn't want to hear… I'd never discuss my private life on TV (reeeeeally?). I'm writing a book (aaaaaaah) at the moment but it will be tasteful, not the ins and outs of a duck's a***. I didn't try to offer Jordan any guidance because I think she's made up her mind about the way she is. What you see is what you get with Jordan. I didn't want to get involved because I wasn't interested in smut talk. I've never talked about my sex life. There's no way I would talk about it except in a fun way, because sex should be fun. I'm a clean-cut girl. I'm the girl next door (who made a living off getting her baps out and then turned to lesbianism… if only there were more girls next door like her). Some of the things she said couldn't go out on TV because it was too blue. And when it was blue I walked away. To be quite honest it embarrasses me. It makes me go a bit red... Jordan doesn't model any more. She doesn't do Page 3 any more. She just sells stories. I didn't do that. I was a model and I didn't sell stories about my love life and my sex life. Have I followed her career? Well, the career I've followed has been her private life, not a modelling career. Her phenomenon has been just press, but my phenomenon was as a model. I was the most photographed woman in Britain along with Maggie Thatcher and Lady Diana. I had a four-year contract with The Sun and every day I was photographed. The picture was enough and it made people happy. I was a model first and later became a celebrity because I was on the Six O'Clock Show, Des O'Connor, Blankety Blank. I didn't become a celebrity because I sold stories. I think it's a shame more girls can't just be models any more, like Kate Moss is. She doesn't go out every week and sell a story about herself."

That's probably because, unlike you, she knows she has nothing of interest to say. MAN, that was boring. There's a reason people were happy enough with pictures, Sam... That drivel only got into the papers because Jordan was mentioned - and it was a good excuse for The Sun to trot out a Page 3 picture from their back catalog.

In other bush-related news: one of the only two good things about the jungle, George Hamilton (Kim Woodburn being the remaining plus point) has left the show. On last night's episode, he was heard mumbling to his surrogate wife (after she called him "an ungrateful scrotum" when he complained of her laundry skills): "I'm at point where this is fun to do. I'm not going to go head to head, so I'm thinking about leaving, pulling out tomorrow… At my age, the time I have with people I care about is important. I don't see a purpose for me to stay."

Because you were the only fine wit in there, George. Who are we going to laugh at now, Ant and Dec?!