Yesterday, at a press conference, one of the richest man in television history said (he's worth £112 million, people... £112 MILLION):

"The way things stand next year is we have no deal in place for The X Factor so I cannot talk about any changes we could make. We will make the decision when we have had a break from the show. It is a long show. We will take a break, then we will sit down and talk about what we want to do. Part of the reason the show has been so successful is ITV invested loads of money in show (approximately £1.7million every weekend. Fireworks are expensive) to make it better. The issue now is not about salaries for the people on the show, it is about getting more money to invest in production over a period of time. We have just to got to make sure if we do bring it back it is going to be better than this year."

How could more funds possibly make it better than his year? Are they going to let John and Edward partake again? Or are they going to undertake Charlie Brooker's suggestion and additional lights coming out of the contestant's eyes? Maybe they could go one step further and have video contact lenses fitting for each contestants so they can advertise the next season of Britain's Got Talent while they perform?

And as for this w*nk about "it's not about salaries for the people on the show..." If that's that case, Simon, why not fund the extra £3million you're looking for from your own current £7.5million ITV pay packet (I say 'current' because he's is "still negotiating his own deal" with the station), instead of bringing an already ailing broadcaster to its knees? In short, if this means the decimation of Corrie I won't be responsible for my actions (Emmerdale, they can chop no worries)... Realistically, Simon should just purchase ITV, with maybe a little backhander from Sir Green, and turn it into the official X Factor/Xtra Factor/BGT TV Channel and have Holly Willoughbaps presenting 24/7. Let's see how long she's smiling demurely for then.

Lastly, let's go back to Simon's "It's not about salaries for the people on the show" poppycock statement: as well as renegotiating his own salary, he's also trying to get a raise for Cheryl. According to The Sun: "Simon wants to see his fellow judge Cheryl Cole, 26, return if X Factor is back next year (of course it'll ba back. Stop trying to trumatise the poor souls who live for this show) - but admits they will need to offer her more than her current £1.2million salary."

... um, WHY?! Yeah, she's easy on the eye, but are her innocuous burblings really worth in excess of £1.2million?!

It's a mad world we live in. MAD, I tell you *gnaws on keyboard*