I think there might've been some booze at Simon Cowell's 50th over the weekend... judging by the pictures we're being met with today of his piddly-eyed guests. Seemingly "400 revellers quaffed £500 bottles of Cristal champagne" at the bash. You don't have to be a mathmatical wizard to know that equals one hefty collective hangover.

Some weren't so bad looking when they departed the party about 3.30am, probably as they're half demon. Those included Max Clifford, Baron Alan Sugar (yep, he's moved even further up in the world) and Piers Morgan. Others being bouyed along by ego were David Walliams and James Corden. Dermot O'Leary didn't look too bleary-eyed, while Ryan Seacrest and Nicky from Westlife thought they were taking part in a BOSS photoshoot. Elsewhere, Kate Moss looked like she was about to give Jamie Hince a bankhander to the face.

Then things started sliding downscale. Exhibit A: Gordon Ramsay, looking a little frazzled. He even went so far as to casually fondle his own crotch. Declan Donnelly looked shlighly meeeerrrrr*hics*eyyy, as did his girlfriend, SKY Sports bird Georgie Thompson. Then again, her lap also appears to be entertaining a Labrador puppy, so pictures can be deceiving.

Further down the scale are the hysterically merry; namely Amanda Holden and wee Louis Walsh. Bits of Dannii Minogue looked fit to burst such were the extent of her giggles.

Lastly, we have the laydeeees. Holly Willoughbaps looked a bit spent but at least she has her eyes open (by the by, that's her husband, if you've ever kept yourself awake at night wondering what he looks like. Did you know he was a TV producer?), unlike Ms Cole and, fantastically, Myleene Klass. This is where The Mirror would insert some 'Klass Act' quip in, but we're far too klassy for that.

One shlightly pisshed hindividuuul was ushered out before he could be papped, however. That was one David Hasselhoff. He lasted two hours before being lead out the back entrance by staff, one of which said: "He kept swearing. He couldn't walk." He was probably pissed off there were no floor burgers on the menu (there was only fish fingers and shepherd's pie).

The rambunctious soiree, which took place at Wrotham Park, heavily featured Simon funnily enough. According to The Sun: waiters were sporting masks in his likeness, his name was floating in the soup bowels being handed out, several Renaissance portraits had been doctored to include his face, while Sir Philip Greenwood commissioned a 30ft high laser projection of Simon outside the building. As for the pressies, most people got him mirrors. As for the entertainment, there were half-naked female dancers covered in oil, and at one point, an inflatable fanny graced the stage. Simon's 82-year-old mother was said to be confused ans "stunned" by the display. Julie was "accompaned to the party by a priest friend."