That Cheryl Cole, in keeping with the amount clothes = the amount of talent ratio, is planning on making her UK tour rather raunchy: "This is going to be the biggest thing Cheryl has ever done - not to mention the raunchiest. Think Madonna’s Sticky and Sweet shows - with whips (crotches with whips *eyes water*). Cheryl's costumes on tour will be all about slashed-to-the-thigh numbers, plunging corsets, racy leather and PVC outfits, and plenty of bling"... Somewhere, a member of Kandy Rain is using Cheryl's face as a dartboard... That Kandy Rain were last seen performing at the Maynooth College Christmas Ball... Gisele Bundchen popped out her sprogling in her bathtub... That, of Simon Monjack's claims that they're directly responsible for Brittany Murphy's death, Warner Bros. said: "Any claim that Warner Bros. Pictures was somehow responsible for Brittany Murphy's tragic death is demonstrably false, reprehensible and defamatory. Despite press reports to the contrary, Warner Bros. Pictures and Ms. Murphy never entered into any deal for Happy Feet 2, and thus, there was no contract to cancel"... Simon Monjack, when not trying to sue Warner Bros. For delusional reasons, is rolling around LA trying to plug his new photography website... That Michael Lohan has been arrested again: "According to (on/off/on again girlfriend/boozing buddy)  Erin's attorney Bryan Konoski, Lindsay Lohan's father allegedly called Erin at work on January 21 - a violation of Erin's restraining order against him. Nassau County Police Department tells TMZ Michael was arrested today and booked for criminal contempt. If this sounds familiar... Michael was arrested back in December for the exact same thing"... That Steve Carrell wants to star in the American remake of Only Fools and Horses: "That would be my dream role. The British do sitcoms better than anybody else in the world. I think with the right scriptwriters and cast we could do Only Fools and Horses justice. If anybody wants to help me do a remake, I'd love it - with Ricky (Gervias, obviously) as Mike the barman"... I hope, for his sake, he doesn't stumble across Rock 'n Chips... a travesty... That, in case you've not seen Ronnie Wood's latest new girlfriend/human embodiment of his latelife crisis, here she be... They were purchasing Polo equipment for some non-sordid reason... That Jay Leno got a grilling by the queen of chat shows, Oprah, yesterday (the footage of which you can sample here)... Ever the good sport, Leno said "Conan's ratings were the real reason he's gone, citing a 49% drop as proof"... Yes, but who was on directly before Conan, Jay, eh?... That Tubs will have Heather Mills (Dancing on Ice, plug, plug, plug) AND Benicio Del Toro (The Wolfman, scary plug, plug, plug) on tonight's Late Late Show... That Snow Patrol have had to pull out of performing at the Meteor Awards as Gary Lightbody's after getting his jaw broken... No information has been released as to how that happened, but one can let their mind wander... That That Peter Kay and Colin Faddddddleldle are to star in an Irish "Cop" Movie?!... That you can see a load of birds in their undies in Lillies in the our high brow section called Caught Out...

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