There comes a time in people's lives when they acknowledge it's time to settle down with the one person. Usually it's a birthday that provides such a wake up call... and that time has come for 84-year-old Hugh Hefner.
Hef - after living in a mansion with a gaggle of girls, then just the three empty vessels, then identical teenage twins with police records - is going to settle down with just the one paint by numbers, blonde, Playboy drone, Crystal Harris. In certain lights she looks 16, but the general consensus is that she's 23.
Speaking of his quest to live a monogamous life, now that he's too antiquated to lop a limb over just anyone willy-nilly, Hef said: "She's very real, and although she has her aspirations, the major thing in her life is our relationship (and the fact that she'll have to watch me wither and die, after tending to the indignities of age, in order to get a decent stake of the will). The problem with some of the other girls is that there were other motivations, their careers. This is more like true love. She is, as they say, 'the real deal'." Much like how Anna Nicole Smith was "the real deal" to millionaire Howard J. Marshall. Or how that blonde Polish bird, Daria, is "the real deal" to that septuagenarian dude (Patsy, we believe) who won the lotto up in Donegal.
Hugh also managed to impart this from his monogamous high horse: "When you get married, you make a commitment. I had a lot of girlfriends, but it's not the same as cheating. I don't cheat. I am very open about what I do... Sandra Bullock's husband looks like a real creep. I think that when you are in a relationship, you should be honest (about the cheating). The real immorality of infidelity is the lying."
