2009 has been undeniably a tumultuous year. Britney Spears went on a tour miming around the world even though she had suffered a severe mental breakdown a matter of months earlier. 

Chris Brown beat up Rihanna on the eve of The Grammy Awards, was charged with felony assault and told he could face nine years in prison, but managed get away with some light cleaning up of the community. They both since released albums. 

Pat Kenny announced his retirement from the Late Late and, quelle surprise, the post went to Ryan Tubridy. He was out the traps running on his first show, but surprisingly fell apart in the presence of Peter Kay and some children.

A woman from an obscure part of Scotland wandered onto a stage, became the most viewed clip on YouTube and now has now released an album with record breaking sales. Two Irish twins delightfully got away with murder for weeks, before society raged against the machine, meaning an X Factor winner wasn’t number one for the first time in four years.

Peter and Jordan split up and hogged the headlines with their bickering for a horrifying amount of time. One went on to date a cross dressing cage fighter, the other sprouted a pair of wings to fly him between TV studios. 

Hollywood’s best known Catholic came out about his affair with a Russain singer, got divorced, and added another baby (out of wedlock *gasps*) to his brood of seven.

Joaquin Phoenix announced his departure from acting to set the world of hip hop alight…In April, Sarah Jessica’s womb somehow managed not to have twins... July, it was announced that Jude Law fathered a love child with some model/actress sort he met at the side of the street... Mischa Barton got sectioned (those wisdom teeth are a b*tch)... Amy and Blakey got divorced... Madonna’s stage collapsed on workers in France killing two of them, but she made up for that by swinging another Malawain adoption... Kerry Katona was caught hoofing coke out of it in her bathroom in August... September saw Keisha quit the Sugababes and was swiftly replaced with one of the innumerable people waiting for their moment of fame. Sugababe replacement number II, Amelle, then had to go to rehab. A slew of Hollywood types supported Roman Polanski when he was (finally) arrested for sleeping with a 13-year-old girl at a party in Jack Nicholson’s house... Kanye made a jackass of himself at the MTV VMAs… Letterman was blackmailed over his ‘work sexcapades’ in October… Leona Lewis was slapped at her book signing… November saw Henry finger the ball, and Tiger Woods score several birdies... Our cardigan clad cad, Aran Man, was kidnapped...

The main stories of 2009, however, involve the inordinate amounts of deaths. The Reaper has been on something of a celebrity cull.

Wendy Richards lost her battle with cancer on February 28th. Natasha Richardson died on 19th of March after a skiing accident, and Jade Goody followed her on March 22nd when cancer claimed her on Mother’s Day. Her widowed husband, Jack, then went on to do her memory proud... David Carradine was found trussed up in a wardrobe in Bangkok on June 4th. Farah Fawcett’s death on June 25th was slightly overshadowed by the demise of the King of Pop who died suddenly on the same date…Sir Bobby Robson passed away on July 31st; top director of 80s flicks John Hughes died on August 7th; Adam Goldstein died on August 28th; and the divine Patrick Swayze departed on September 15th. We unexpectedly lost Stephen Gately on October 11th. And, more recently, we’ve seen the passing of Corrie stalwarth, Maggie Jones; Hollywood actress Brittany Murphy; and Fair City star Joan Brosnan Walsh.

Roll on 2010.