Now that her daughter's the ripe aul age of 13, her Vadgesty is willing Lourdes not to dressing so provocatively. Them's the breaks when you've let your daughter witness you carve a living out of wearing f*** all.

"If anything, I wish she'd dress more conservatively. How's that for irony? (hmm, that's more of an Alanis Morissette grasp you have on irony, there, Madge. The majority of teens dress provocatively [with the exception of myself. I dressed like a 15-year-old boy 'til I was 29], you - unlike most mothers who aren't strippers by trade - just don't have the luxury of preaching to her regarding her garb). You could say it's in the DNA - but I could never tell her how to dress (there ya gooo)... She comes to my photo and video shoots, pulls outfits together and gives her input to a lot of my designer friends. Whether it's Marc Jacobs or Stella McCartney, they always ask her what she thinks."

To make her feel involved, perhaps, like a form of play? That's the very least a reasonable grown up (an Marc Jacobs) could do when they see a child shoe horned into an adult world from day dot.

So, what else does 13-year-old Lourdes do to fill her time. Design a fashion range for Macy's? How enterprising: "I did a line for H&M, which I enjoyed, but it was a lot of work. I thought, 'I don't want to give up the rest of my careers, so I'm not going to do my own line again.' But I have a 13-year-old with tireless energy who wanted to do this. I have been involved in business meetings, but Lola's really doing the work. I just sit in the corner on my BlackBerry."

Hey, at least she's good enough to organise board meetings, never mind actually attend them, to occupy her daughter's mind (the term "exploit" could be bandied about, but Lourdes "wanted to do this." Now it's just left to the big wigs at Macy's to nod and smile their way through board meetings with a 13-year-old while her mother hovers in the corner). The likes of Dina Lohan invariably wouldn't go to so much trouble. They'd just force their kids to partake in ropey reality shows, or - at best - sit them at a table in roadside fast food joint surrounded by expectant Happy Meal figurines, all of which want to hear Michael Jr.'s ideas regarding what "mommy's going to do to make a living now that her cash cow has taken to resembling a wild-eyed coyote who nobody wants to hire 'cause they think she's gonna croak on set - if she turns up."