*ahems* who's been saying for a number of years now that Vernon Kay's been secretly willing Bruce Forsyth to keel over so he could slip into his Strictly Come Dancing spot?

Seemingly 81-year-old Bruce has been struck down with a nasty dose, with one BBC rep saying: "Bruce has got the flu and will miss the (that being toorrow's) show on doctor's orders."

Seemingly Vernon is "playing down rumours" that he's to commandeer the post: "I don't think the job's going, but it's nice to get a mention. I'd actually be up for dancing on the show, but I don't think there's anyone tall enough to be my dance partner." That's nice patter, but we know you're brimming with it. Why wouldn't you want to co-present a successful show with a loved one? Presumably you can afford a babysitter.

For some reason, the Beeb are refusing to announce who will co-present with Tess tomorrow night, but we'd put a wager on Vernon, especially since he's even going so far as to perfect Bruce's cardboard comb over.

Unless they're planning to bring in Arlene Philips for the night. That would be worth missing half an hour of the X Factor for. Assuming you're not watching the footie, that is. COMEONIRELAND!