Saturday Soap Recap

Coronation Street: There were more scrappy doos on the cobbles this week. Firstly Eva decided to announce Nick and Kylie's phantom affair during a swanky soiree at the Bistro, leading to an ungainly punch up involving David and Nick's windshield. Peter was still throwing his toys ourra his pram regarding Leanne having custody of Simon, which was playing havoc with Ken's new meditation regime. Simpering Sunita felt stung as Karl and Stella celebrated their anniversary; Kirsty Hulked out again 'cause Tyrone invited her parents to her surprise 30th; Sean was convinced that Betty was trying to contact him from t'other side; and Maria was not exactly turned on by Marcus' choice of man.

Fair City: Caoimhe, who was still traumatised (so are we after the water drenching incident by the hands of someone called Goo Eyes… Yes. Goo Eyes), lied to her parents that Decco got her involved in a botched drugs deal. Tommy, outraged, confronted the Bishop, while Judith, being more pragmatic, suggested that Caoimhe needed professional help. Elsewhere, Carol was forced to admit Rachel was babysitting when Jack was rushed to hospital and his tests revealed something sinister. When confronted, Rachel had quite the shocker of her own and called Carol's parenting into question. Christy got on the wrong side of Val, and Lucy told Wayne she loved him to get back in his good books.

EastEnders: Lucy Beale's lower lip and furrowed brow combo went into overdrive, mainly because Daddy Ian still planned to get hitched. So she cancelled his wedding plans on the sly. And then she asked Ian to choose between herself and Mandy on their wedding day. Which was creepy. Roxy confided in Christian about her feelings for Alfie and her mate did try his best to point out that Alfie is no more than a good friend, but she found herself heartbroken regardless when he cancelled "a date" with her to see Kat. His wife. Elsewhere, did Michael stop Jean from revealing all? I do hope so (I've not seen it as yet), she's a fine looking woman but I don’t want to see her starkers.

Emmerdale: At last, a bit of progress in the David / Alicia trundler. Things finally came to a head when Alicia found out that Justin was remarrying, so she prepareed to unleash herself on her housemate. I willed Rachel and Holly to ruin the moment by landing in with a bottle of fake tan, therefore irretrievably distracting all involved, but it didn't happen. Ashley was nervous about his job interview at - wait for it - a burger bar. Megan pleaded with Declan to cut all ties with Robbie after clattering him across the face; Charity agreed to having another baby; and Pollard made a surprising decision about Val and Brenda.