A bad workman always blames his tools, hence it comes as no surprise that Pamela Anderson was the first contestant booted off Dancing On Ice - because her boobs are too big. Thank Gawd for / curse those matching nipple pasties she had on.
She found herself in the skate off opposite Keith Chegwin, who three of the judges opted to keep in because he didn't have to wriggle himself back into his basque during his routine. That and he was forced to quit last year after suffering cracked ribs, so they probably felt a bit sorry for him.
Re Pammy's revealing 'malfunction', presenter Philip Schofield said: "If that happened earlier, you wouldn't be in the skate-off."
The returning Jason Gardiner was the only judge who wanted to save Pamela, with the remaining three - Karen Barber, Robin Cousins, and unsurprisingly Ashley Robertsoff the Pussycat Dolls / I'm a Celebrity... (how d'you like them apples, Kimberly Wyatt?) - all saying they couldn't vote her through due to her boob-related stumble.
When asked how to she felt to be ejected, Pamela said: "Sad, it was really fun and now I know how to skate a little bit. I feel so sad, sorry Matt, I stumbled, I fell, my boobs fell out."
At least the viewers got the eyeful they were waiting for, because Schofield's co-host, Christine Bleakly, is no Holly Willoughbooby. She had the nerve to wear a frock that went all the way up to her neck, which caused quite the furore on twitter.
The only other moment worth making reference to was when Matt Lapinskas who used to be off EastEnders felt the need to kiss girlfriend Shona McGarty (AKA Whitney off EastEnders) after his performance. Perhaps it was to remind folk that he used to be in EastEnders himself. That or it was damage control after he spent a large portion of his performance with professional skater Brianne Delcourt's crotch attached to the back of his head.
>Pamela Anderson heading back to therapy