Turns out there's quite a few Americans more desperate than Lindsay Lohan. Hellew, Spieidi. We almost forgot you existed.
Firstly, to the premise of this year's show. It's much like the edition of proper Big Brother that Kate Lawler won back in 2002, when they had a 'poor side.'
Without having to go into too much detail, Rylan off X Factor and Frankie off the horses were allowed decide who stayed in the nice 'luxury' accommodation with them, and who was shunted down to the basement, which mainly comprised of hacked up wine crates and beige hessian sacks. In short, anyone from England got to share the fancy digs.
If you're up for more detail for whatever reason; first up were model of yore Paula Hamilton and Gina Ward off Heartbeat. Rylan and Frankie sent Paula to the basement (although she's since been moved to the posh part as she felt "a little unwell"). Secondly, there was Gillian 'Kaffee Beale' Taylforth and Toadfish off Neighbours. Rylan and Frankie, after being asked by Big Brother who they thought were more 'fake', sent Toady to the basement. Then they were asked who they deemed more 'vain', Adam Barlow off Corrie or Page 3 girl Lacey Banghard. Funnily enough they sent the boy in the kilt packing to the basement, because the bird in the transparent outfit who changed her name to Lacey Banghard was less vain. Claire off Steps got sent straight to the nice house because Rylan's a big fan, that and Razor Ruddock was the other option. He got sent to the basement.
Then, to the American contingent. There's always an Amercian. Well, this time, viewers are getting two for the price of one in the form of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag who used to be on The Hills. And then they exhausted all their reality TV options stateside. That surgery won't pay for itself, you know. When asked if they wanted to swap places with Speidi, Ryland and Frankie declined.
Was there any mention of Jim Davidson? No idea, didn't watch it. But given the line-up it appears that Paula Hamilton was his replacement. Somewhere, Roy Chubby Brown is bawling into a patchwork hanky.
Consider this potentially your lone Celebrity Big Brother update, as I've not go Channel 5. Thank God for small mercies, 'n all that.