Picture the scene: you're out walking your dog one evening just before bedtime, when you suddenly hear a rather violent-sounding thrashing coming from somewhere.
Upon closer inspection, it seems to be coming from the boot of a car that's parked on the road you're walking down. In fact, it sounds like someone is trapped in there and by the sound of it, they really want to get out.
That's exactly the scenario that Joe Craig found himself in the other night when walking around East Finchley in London with his dog Harpo (that's them, above).
The English children's author told his story on Twitter, and let's just say it had quite an... unexpected ending.
Read on below (and let the 'dogging' jokes begin...)
I was walking my dog round East Finchley, late, two nights ago. Chasing foxes, that kind of thing. And I heard a noise.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
I heard muffled screaming & saw the boot of a car rattling. Oh no, I thought - someone's trapped in the boot!
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
It was a small hatchback. A renault clio, I think. But still big enough that someone could conceivably be trapped in the boot.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
Couldn't see inside the car cos it was dark but as I got closer I was sure that there were screams coming from the boot. Urgent screams.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
My rushed up to the car, pulling my dog with me. The whole car was rattling. "I have to set this person free!" I thought. BUT...
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
I have to do it quickly in case the person who's trapped them comes back. This is DANGEROUS but I am A HERO. My dog is too. Both heroes.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
In a swift, dynamic movement I flung open the boot of the car. The boot light came on. I was staring into the face of a woman!
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
The woman was naked.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
On top of the woman was a man. Also naked.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
They'd put the back seats down & were lying the full length of the car, heads in the boot.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
The woman was clinging on to the boot, rattling it while she screamed. For very different reasons than the ones I had assumed from outside.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
Except now she was no longer screaming, because she was looking up at me, horrified. As was the man. I was holding the boot open.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
What does one say in that situation?
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
I'll tell you what I said. I said: "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I thought you were trapped. Like a hostage. Because of the screaming and...
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
...the rattling. But I see now you don't need my help. Either of you. And that this is the good kind of screaming. Sorry. Do carry on."
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
It was words to that effect, anyway. I admit I babbled a bit. I didn't want them to think I was just a weirdo pervert bursting in on them.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
I also wanted to offer a little encouragement.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
Then I started to close the boot - carefully. I didn't want to trap anything. Unfortunately, my dog is very well trained...
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
And my dog loves car journeys.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
So before I could close the boot, Harpo (my dog) did what he's been trained to do when someone opens the boot of a hatchback.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
My dog jumped into the boot. Sort of next-to (but mainly on-top-of) the faces of the two copulating strangers.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
Now it was too late to close the boot. There was more screaming - but not the good kind.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
Obviously I can't undo Harpo's training, so I said, "Good boy." Which I think gave the wrong impression.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
After that I made a swift exit. I remembered to take the dog with me. I didn't wait around to hear more screaming & rattling.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
And THAT is the funny thing that happened to me the other night, with my dog, in East Finchley.
— Joe Craig (@joecraiguk) January 28, 2016
