Life's 5 Biggest Turnoffs

Life is hard. And, it's not made any easier by the fact that it doesn't take a whole lot to turn people off you. Objectively, turnoffs are small circumstances, minute even, but no matter how tiny something might be, if it affects you viscerally to the point where you feel like vomiting, there's not a whole lot you can do. It's a harsh reality, but we're a harsh bunch, us humans.

Let's take a look at some of life's biggest turnoffs:

#1 Food In The Teeth

This is an unfortunate one, because even the most conscious of us have had this happen to us. Sometimes you just don't know, until half way through a meeting when you go to the bathroom and you realise that you had an entire head of broccoli practically growing from your left upper canine. The best thing you can do is just return to the table, pretending that nothing ever happened and just hope that your acquaintance isn't completely detested by you.

#2 The Bogey Hanging From The Nose

Another unfortunate one, sometimes you just can't feel something hanging from your nose. But one thing is for sure, it's one of the most disturbing things for someone to be around. People will try to act normal around you, trying not to look at it, but on the inside they're like:

#3 B.O

The most distinct smell in the world, human B.O. Now, for all you know, the man that's just sat down beside you on the bus is the nicest, most generous person in Ireland, he's probably involved in a rake of charities and shit, but because he smells like a bag of stale socks and gone off potatoes you can't help but feel disgust as well as something close to pure hatred towards him.

#4 The Involuntary Fart

Those farts that you have complete lack of control over. I suppose they can happen at any time but one of the most prominent occasions that these smelly little gifts arise is when you're sleeping with someone.

It's the first time in the bed with a new partner, ye've had a lovely date, wine, laughs, desert; everything has gone absolutely beautifully, including the sex. The only thing is, because you forgot to go to the bathroom earlier, you've now been supressing a host of farts for a good 5 hours, at this stage.

You try your best to clench and hold them all in, and you've made a serious effort until that moment when you're just about to nod off, her head resting on your shoulder, and there's that momentary relaxation...and out it comes. It's not going to be loud, rather it's going to be high pitched, one of those ones where it sounds like your arse has just said something.

You know full well that both of you have heard it, but you'll do a few wee fake snores to try pass it off, but it's too late, she already feels repulsed by you.

#5 Bad Breath

Finally, we save the biggest turn off till last. The most common, and arguably the biggest turnoff known to man, stinking breath.

It could be your work mate, the post man, heck it could be your best friend or your husband/wife of 25 years, but nothing will change the fact, that if someone has bad breath, you are going to feel completely and utterly disgusted.

You can try various techniques like, standing further away, turning your head and nose slightly away from the straight on collision of smell particles, as well as just making up excuses for a quick exit, but in any case you're going to feel a little bit like this:

But, the best form of defense is attack, people. So, rather than waiting for the problem to occur, it's better to just take preventative measures at all times. It's called chewing gum, lads, and it contains active ingredients that prevents odours, so make it your best friend and it will reward you with breath that smells as fresh as the air at The Cliffs Of Moher. I'm not codding you.

Just make sure to pop the gum INTO your mouth, though. It doesn't work, otherwise.