Gallery: Top 5 Irish Beards to honour World Beard Day

As any owner of a beard will tell you, you take on a responsibility and a distinct distaste for bullshit when you grow one.

Things are clear-cut. You can sit on a rock facing a mountain with a stick and not look out of place. You can stride purposefully into any place of commerce and demand to see the manager. Yes, having a beard means a sign strapped to your face that says "I MEAN BUSINESS".

You do not celebrate the ownership of a beard with an international day of recognition. You got about your business in quiet solitude and contemplation, occasionally stroking in thought. You do nothing else with it.

So, to honour those fine Irishmen with proud beards, here are Top 5 Choices. Well done, brothers. Now go for a walk and clean out that stable like the outdoorsmen we think you are.

5. MICHAEL FASSBENDER'S GOLDEN WONDER

Ah yes. The burnt-orange beard of the Bender of Fasses may be an international star and celebrity, but that beard is all Kerry and no nonsense.

4. THAT GUY FROM THE BORD BIA BACON AND HAM ADVERT

Not all beards have to be rugged, dirty and fighting off hordes of Vikings. They can be soft, understated moments of facial ruggedness that blend in at a picnic with bacon. Bord Bia Man, we salute your family-friendly face mane.

3. GORDON D'ARCY'S CUP-WINNING BEARD

We remember a time when Irish rugby triumphed and brought the nation to a roaring climax and we thank Gordon D'Arcy's beard for that moment. Sure, B'OD was there but it was D'Arcy's sheer commitment to facial hair that won us the title. And just like that, the beard went - but we still have the memories.

2. BRENDAN GLEESON'S OSCAR-WINNING JAW RUG

Brendan Gleeson's beard is worthy of an Irish High King. Look at it, for fecksake. That thing could command legions of blood-thirsty Irish warriors into a mighty battle, directed by Ridley Scott and with a soundtrack by Horslips and Joe Dolan. Oh yes. We can see it now. Brendan Gleeson stars in Beard: The Reckoning. And it's two hours of Brendan Gleeson's beard cutting a bloody swathe through medieval knights. It'd win every Oscar going and be added to the secondary school curriculum.

1. ROY KEANE'S INTENSE SALT-AND-PEPPER FACE MANE

Roy Keane describes himself in one word - intensity. Naturally, the beard should match the man. Roy Keane's beard gives 110% at every outing. Nobody understands what's at stake more than Roy Keane's beard. It knows that nothing can be left to chance and nothing can be given away easily or at all. Roy Keane's beard looks you square in the eye and waits for you to blink. Because Roy Keane's beard will never blink. It's a beard. And if it had eyes, it wouldn't blink. It would stare at you, ceaselessly, until you backed away slowly.