In Conversation with the Trekkie Monster | Avenue Q

Interview by: Caomhan Keane

I've had some odd reasons for hurrying up an interview. There was the time I interrupted a woman during her weekly shop; another time I caught a director babysitting her niece who was pitching a fit and more recently I interviewed a puppeteer going through security at an airport. This, however, was the first time I had to wrap up an interview because the interviewee was in a rush to touch himself. Here is the product of my brief but bizarre chat with Trekkie Monster, who comes to Dublin as part of Avenue Q's UK and Ireland tour.

Hey Trekkie Monster. How are you?

Me not bad. Not too bad. Listen I can't be long. I was just on the Internet looking at Porn so hurry up!

Is it true that you are named after Star Trek?

Yes, it is. Sometimes you get characters who spend a lot of time sitting in their room on their own, looking at things on the internet and talking about Star Trek. These people are called Trekkies. And someone thought that that was a lot like me because I spend a lot of time looking at the Internet. So they called me Trekkie Monster. And a very good name it is too.

Have you ever watched any star trek porn?

Star Trek porn? HA HA HA! Me thinks that's not available. Unless it is a spoof. (Ed- You mean Star Trek: The Next Penetration isn't part of the original series?). Me has searched. Me think Uhura was very fit. She make me go U-Hu-Hu-HUUUUUURA!

Do you remember the first porno you ever watched?

Huhuhuha...YES. What a day that was. I remember going to a website, me thought it was just a normal website, but oh no, this girl have her titties out and me was very happy.

You say that in volatile markets the only sound investment is porn. Has the global recession affected you at all?

Oh, you know it's up and down, up and down. But I still invest. Me like to be strong with it. People have a passion for one thing. My passion is for porn. And as long as there are markets me will put money into it.

You've travelled the world. Do you check out indigenous porn or do u stick to the usual?

Oh, yes, obviously. If place has different porn, me try it. It's like if you are in France, you try the cheese, if you are in Germany you try the Frankfurters. When you go to Dublin you have a pint of Guinness and watch the Shamrock porn.

I know you love the Internet. Did you see the Cookie Monster singing your song?

Me have not seen this. Who is this Cookie Monster? Me hear a lot about this cookie monster but me has never met him.

He's a puppet. He lives a few streets over. A very different street to Avenue Q.

Sounds like an imposter to me. Get rid of him. Take away his cookies and show him some porn.

Tell us about your book, Masturbation; The Medicine of Life?

It came out a little while ago. The sales didn't do so well so me going to write another one soon. It's just a little directory about the different porns that you can get. To be honest me didn't have much input. My Publisher came to me, he said, "You want to write a book" so me say, " Will it make me money". He said "of course"' so me say "alright. To spend on porn" and he say "of course." So we went away to write it but to be honest, me didn't write a f*cking word. Me just sit at home, looking at the Internet, doing my own thing.

Avenue Q comes to the Bord Gais Energy Theatre - Tuesday 3rd April 2012 Doors: 6.30pm; Show 7.30pm. Tickets available at usual outlets.
 

Story by EI Team | 09:00 | Friday 23rd March 2012 | Theatre

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