The Tourist

Release Date: 10 December 2010
Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Starring: Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, Timothy Dalton
Details: US/104mins 12A

What the hell was Johnny Depp thinking? I'm not just talking about his stupid beard/hair in this utterly inane production, I'm talking about why he'd agree to replace Sam Worthington in a role the Aussie obviously felt wasn't up the scratch. A lifeless and drab affair, The Tourist is momentarily brought to life by Angelina Jolie's glimmering smile, but plummets back to earth every time a line of the strained, "playful" dialogue is uttered.

Jolie is a mysterious woman being tracked by innumerable law enforcement agencies for her involvement with an even more mysterious thief. As she plods around Europe, leading Interpol on a merry dance, she meets Johnny Depp's neurotic Maths teacher. At first just using him to throw the fuzz off the scent, the two soon realise there are sparks between them, but Jolie has a thief/other half to meet, and a bunch of dodgy Russians and jail to avoid. Can a romance blossom amidst all this chaos? Or will Jolie end up a particularly hot extra in Prisoner Cell Block H?

The aim here was obviously to make a light and breezy flick to showcase the palpable charms of its A-list leads. But The Tourist plays like it was written by a committee and Depp's unlikeable nerd, in particular, is misjudged. While the quirky persona he's been injecting into characters has served him well of late, it now feels like a crutch, and he's little more than Hugh Grant with a poncey beard. Von Donnersmarck's flat join-the-dots direction doesn't help; The Object of Others helmer fails to muster up a moment's excitement during the entire running time.

When initially announced that these two actors were headlining a film together, folks got rightly excited about the inevitable sparks. But the chemistry is surprisingly lacking, and given the luminous calibre of its stars, these two should've been farting fireworks without batting an eyelid. It's the film's biggest letdown, as those mushes on the poster are the reason why folks would be parting with their hard earned dough. This so desperately wants to replicate the sexual intensity of Mr and Mrs Smith, but never comes close.

If nothing else, The Tourist proves Sam Worthington a wise selector of material. He knew his proposed role was a nothing part, and the fact that the producers somehow managed to bag Depp instead is wholly perplexing. A drab, predictable film that will barely register as a footnote in the careers of both stars - or so they should hope.

Review by Mike Sheridan

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Your Comments

Grover

The reviewer hit the nail on the head. What a tediously boring and utterly pointless film. As bland as a plain rice cake. Depp seems to do his best with what sparse material he is given and all that's left for Jolie to do is to walk around, look pretty (so much so that everywhere she goes people stop and stare, just in case the audience didn't quite get the point that her character is beguilingly beautiful) with a perstitent wry smile on her perfectly made-up face. The film tries much too hard to be mysterious, with action sequences containing as much excitment as a costume drama, the occasional humour is oddly placed and the plot itself is ridicously threadbare and obvious. An extremely dissapointing outing from the actors and director. Avoid unless your idea of an evening's entertainment invovles watching paint dry.

Posted 09/12/2010 12:03:16

Bitter Irish Fruit

Tourism advert for Venice. Johnny might need a slap round the face for starring in this horror but Jolie really needs a plate of batter burgers. She could slice bread with those shoulder blades :-/

Posted 10/12/2010 15:12:48

Lord Sabre

Mike Sherdian is right - what's Depp taking on a role that Sam Worthington turned down. This is just awful. Depp hasn't been decent since he started that Pirates franchise.

Posted 14/12/2010 17:42:42

pinkmonkey

A disturbingly bad film in so many ways. I usually don't hate Angelina Jolie like so many others do. However she is now on my list... Firstly, her english accent was so horrificly rediculous - like a countess from the 19th century. Secondly, her acting was as dull as a doorknob. Thirdly, she is so incredibly underweight that it I could barely look at her wasted child's body for 2 hours. She has clearly overdone the spy film genre in 2010, though SALT was far better than this junk. The storyline can only be described as laughable and generally a waste of space. Johnny - why? And that is all.

Posted 16/12/2010 01:11:46

fluffy kitten

I find it difficult to take a professional film reviewer seriously when they get the name of FlorianHVD's outstanding Oscar winning movie wrong. Even worse they do not appear to have an understanding of the film making process: praising Worthington for dropping out of *this* version of the film is misleading - he dropped out long before the final rewrite and multiple director changes. The "What the hell was Depp thinking" comment highlights the reviewers lack of awareness - how many times has this been said of Depp before? Surely at this stage no one in the movie industry *expects* a Depp-starrer to be good? It is common knowledge that he has starred in as many bad movies as good ones. The "stupid beard/hair" should be obvious to anyone who has seen the movie and has a remote understanding of character development. Unless of course the reviewer didn't watch this movie? The review appears to be nothing but a rehash of other critics opinions without an original observation... As for the movie: A lot was expected of this movie with that much talent involved. It didn't live up to expectations, but while it was not a good movie it was *intended* to be a light fluffy movie and it succeeded at that. I do not believe it would have received a total slating had it starred 2 lesser-known stars and expectations not been so high, and it not been marketed incorrectly as an exciting action-driven spy thriller. (This "reviewer" even scored Burlesque TWICE what he gave the Tourist. Seriously?!!?!). No it was not a good movie but it did not deserve the total slating it got, which is reflected by its steady ticket sales by the movie-goers themselves despite the critics mauling.

Posted 12/01/2011 16:14:22

fluffy kitten

(Apologies for the single block of text in my comment above, the paragraphs were automatically removed)

Posted 12/01/2011 16:15:56

KickedArse

People laughed at the Golden Globe press conference when Depp was nominated for The Tourist. It's an embarrassment for everyone involved. In fairness, Kitten, the reviews here are live before anywhere else. So the copying other reviewers comment is harsh. You can check the postings on the FB page for the date it went live FYI. In my opinion, an awful film.

Posted 12/01/2011 20:56:49

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