The One and Only

A tired, derivative sit com masquerading as a piece of cinema, The One and Only is a physical manifestation of the depths that the romantic comedy can sink to, a film so shallow that it makes Two Weeks Notice appear to be a masterwork of restraint and comic subtlety. This, as anyone who has seen the latter will testify, is not an easy thing to do. Set in a thriving Newcastle, The One and Only follows Stevie (Wadell) who is married to an injury-prone Newcastle United centre-forward, played by an actor (Cake) who mugs the entire movie and seems to have taken out a patent on the worst Italian stereotypes. When she meets the man who is about to fit her kitchen, Neil (Richard Roxburgh) there's an obvious attraction, but it's clear nothing can happen between them as Stevie has just discovered she's pregnant and Neil is about to adopt a child with his bad-tempered partner. Although it was written by Peter Flannery (responsible for the excellent TV series Our Friends in the North), The One and Only is a fiercely restricted enterprise, a film which is content to trade off a series of obvious, obnoxious romantic entanglements which have been more successfully executed elsewhere. Due to the shockingly inept nature of the script (I've had bowls of soup with better consistency and structure), the actors don't have much to go on, but thankfully Patsy Kensit (sporting the worst Geordie accent since the dialect was invented) is on hand to make everyone else look good. Well, adequate anyway.