The Love Guru

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If I was a producer and Mike Myers came to me with a comedy script about Pitka, an ambitious, virginal LA love guru who comes to Canada to help a pro ice hockey player Darren Roanoke (Malco) believe in himself and get his head in the game in time for the play-offs, the conversation would probably go something like this:

Me: So this is basically Austin Powers meets Eastern spiritualism? With a lot of puns and sexual innuendo thrown into the mix? I can see it. Who have you got in mind?

Mike: Jessica Alba for love interest and ice hockey team owner Jane Bullard; I've talked to Ben Kinglsey and he's up for playing Pitka's cross-eyed, flatulent mentor Guru Tugginmypudha; we got Stephen Colbert to do a Fred-Willard-In-Best-In-Show freestyle commentary dealio; Mini Me (Verne Troyer) is in the mix too and there's a host of cameos ranging from Morgan Freeman to Jessica Simpson to Val Kilmer.

Me: I smell money. How about Will Ferrell to play Malco's enemy and rival team's netkeeper Jacques 'Le Coq' Grande?

Mike: Too obvious. How about Justin Timberlake?

Me: Genius! I liked his serious turn in Alpha Dog and it'd be fun to see him send himself up.

Mike: We're also doing a few musical numbers like 9-5, The Joker and More Than Words.

Me: Mike, here's a few mil - go do your thing. Meanwhile, I'll clear my schedule for the sequel.

And no one would have blamed me. After all, Myers has always made money with projects that spawn equally successful sequels - Wayne's World, Austin Powers, Shrek - so what could go wrong? Well, either this brand of comedy has passed its sell-by date or Myers had an off day. It can happen to anyone, but umpteen fart, dick and midget gags don't help. Whereas Wayne and Austin felt like meticulously thought out characters, Pitka feels like a sketch, an idea, a one-joke persona that grates rather too quickly. It's not all bad, as the Bollywood parody will get a few chuckles and Timberlake looks like he's enjoying himself, but on the whole it's not that funny. No doubt Myers will bounce back but there isn't enough material here for a sequel.