The Cat in the Hat

A live action update of the classic Dr. Seuss fable, The Cat in the Hat, that not only borders upon a crime against cinema, but one against humanity itself. The great author's cute but slim story is given the ultimate Hollywood treatment, as padding is dealt out in abundance with some misguided adult humour taking centre stage.

'The Mom', Joan Walden (Kelly Preston) is a real estate manager who leaves her kids, Conrad (Spencer Breslin) and Sally (Dakota Fanning), with babysitter Mrs. Kwan (Amy Hill) while she goes about her business. Her next door neighbour and boyfriend is Quinn (Alec Baldwin, in all his smug glory) whose mission - aside from banging Joan, natch - is to ensure that the lazy Conrad gets sent to military school for an injection of manners. Enter the Cat (a grating Mike Myers), a walking, talking feline whose mission it is to teach Conrad some discipline and get his sister Sally to loosen up a little.

Fine in theory, but the problem with The Cat in the Hat is that nobody really seems to have a clue what they are doing here. While Dr. Seuss' story was a short, snappy and erudite affair, the film makers seem under the illusion that they have to pad out the material with vaguely offensive toilet humour in order to make it a viable cinematic enterprise. Coarse and unnecessary, the film moves with none of the economical grace of its source material and feels infinitely longer than its sparse running time. In other words? Avoid like the plague never happened.