Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D

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Alba is a retired spy who recruits her new step children to take part in a dangerous mission. They must outwit and generally battle the dastardly Timekeeper (Jeremy Piven, playing a role Ari Gold would have surely advised against) in what the official synopsis calls an "adventure" but seems more like child endangerment.

Robert Rodriguez is both an inspirational and incredibly wily filmmaker, who has built a studio in his native Austin from scratch. He makes his films cheaply - compared to his Hollywood chums - and essentially handles both the technical and creative aspects of the majority of his work. So, basically, this whole thing is his fault.

The 4D aspect is ridiculous and interactive end of it choppy. I get that this is meant to be something fun for the kids, but it's just not - coupled with the forceful 3D it's actually an assault on the senses. That's obviously what Rodriguez meant it to be, which might be more worrying.

Machete was awful, this is awful; Robert Rodriguez is now descending into M. Night Shyamalan territory. Someone make him read his own book.