Secretariat

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Diane Lane is Penny Chenery, a smart, well-educated housewife in the late 1960s, who goes back to the family home when her mother passes away and her father is taken ill. Taking over all of the duties at the stable, she makes a deal with a loaded local to take the offspring of a champion horse, with first choice given to the winner of a coin toss. Penny loses but gets her preferred pick anyway, a horse she nicknames 'Big Red' that would go on to race under the guise of Secretariat. Think Seabiscuit with a rocket up its arse.

It's hard to find the point of this story, or at the very least, the point of turning into a film - there's just no real conflict. Chenery is certainly a strong, remarkable woman, and Diane Lane is a wonderful actress more than capable of injecting the wit and strength needed to do her justice, but the words just aren't there. When John Malkovich popped up as the eccentric trainer, I almost whooped as it meant there would be something worth staying awake for. And he is, easily, the best thing about this film.

I get that this is a Disney family movie, and one about the greatest race horse of all time, and frankly, I wasn't really sure what to expect. But there was not one moment in its two plus hours running time where I felt any of the characters, dialogue, or humour were genuine. Sure, it's a simple tale, and ultimately a feel good one, but there is no real adversity other than a frowning husband and ill-informed sibling.

Wallace does a decent job injecting the racing scenes with excitement, but the occasionally cutting to a HD version of jockey's view completely takes you out of something that was only momentarily absorbing to begin with.

Should've been a crowd pleasing feel good extravaganza, but Secretariat instead ends up making The Blind Side look like an episode of The Wire.