Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief

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Looking to start another franchise after getting the Harry Potter series off to a limping start, Chris Columbus ups the stakes as he tackles gods, demi-gods and some high school angst. While the Gremlins scripter was never the proprietor of anything that could remotely be perceived as style, Percy Jackson nonetheless has a barrage of (sometimes impressive) effects, but characters that are never even remotely explored, and dialogue that appears to be the native tongue in clunkyville. Columbus simply moves the plot from A, to B, to C, while never really finding suitable cohesion to engage anyone over 11.

Percy is a high school teen with problems. He's dyslexic, with ADHD and, understandably, hates school. But when he's in the water he's calm, and finds himself centred. This is because his auld lad is The God of the Sea, Poseidon, and Percy soon realises he has inherited some of his nifty powers. But the young hero will need every bit of his new found tricks to find the pearls that will allow him rescue his mother from the grasps of Hades - who thinks he's nicked Zeus's lightning bolt and wants a piece of the action. Hades isn't the only one, and Percy must fend off all sorts of other worldly beasts (including Uma Thurman in cougar mode) who also wanna get their mitts on the bolt he doesn't have.

While mild and inoffensive enough to pass a couple of hours with the youngster in your life, this is riddled with too many inexplicable occurrences and clichés for anyone old enough to know what a cliché is to enjoy. It's a film firmly pandering to its young audience and Columbus doesn't try to hide that for a second. It's a shame, because this potentially epic story of gods on the brink of war really could've been a blast in the right hands.

Youngster Logan Lerman is the most charismatic lead Columbus has had in a while, but that's hardly high praise when you consider his last film was I Love You, Beth Cooper. Comic relief Jackson is reduced to spouting awful one-liners, and Pierce Brosnan looks like the missing member of Status Quo, with hoofs.

A missed opportunity to do something different with the kiddie fantasy genre.