Mutant Chronicles

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"F**k mankind. F**k the world. F**k you." There's a big back-story to this one: After the ice age, 'The Machine' landed on earth with the sole purpose of turning men into mutants. A hero defeated the machine, put it in the earth and placed a seal over it, imprisoning it forever. Or so we thought. Fast forward to 2707, where the world is run by four massive corporations at war with each other. During a trench battle, a bomb breaks open the seal and mutants pour out, devastating all and sundry. Now, as they run riot, Earth has no choice but to evacuate, leaving millions behind. Brother Samuel (Perlman) needs a small group of lethal soldiers for a suicide mission to destroy the machine forever. It might be loud, dumb, violent, look cheap as chips and the dialogue stinks to high heaven, but The Mutant Chronicles, if you buy into the absolute nonsense from the outset, can be a lot of fun. Sometimes. Adapted from a little known role-playing game (I'm still waiting for a Heroquest movie - it might be the Ronan Keating of Dungeons & Dragons, but still), the plot was never going to Tolstoy, and Jane, Perlman and co. seem to realise how silly it all is.