Miss March

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A part of me wants to like Miss March. It's a gross out teen comedy written by, directed by and starring two first-timers, Cregger and Moore, and aimed at the audiences that lapped up Superbad, American Pie, Road Trip, Sex Drive or a dozen other teen comedies. But the other part of me, that's 95% of me, was bored to tears.

Ever since he discovered Playboy, Tucker (Moore) has been mad for sex, something that disgusts his abstinent best friend Eugene (Cregger). Eugene and his girlfriend Cindi (Alessi) have agreed to lose their virginity to each other on prom night but Eugene gets drunk, falls down a stairwell and into a coma, from which he doesn't emerge for four years. In that time, two major things have happened: Tucker has finally had sex and Cindi is now a centrefold model, the Miss March of the title. Determined to get her back, Eugene and Tucker hop in a car, hit the road and make for the Playboy Mansion, getting into all sorts of adventures on the way.

Sound familiar? That's because it is. The gags are old (scat jokes ahoy as Eugene has stored up 'four years worth of poop' and can't control his sphincter; pees in champagne, etc), the plot predictable, the dialogue poor, and the characters veer from boring to annoying to ditsy. The boring one, Eugene, has one job to do: shake his head at Tucker's antics and exclaim, "Tucker!" every two minutes; the boggle-eyed letch Tucker is every character that was ever in a teen comedy with the emphasis on Stifler or Jay from The Inbetweeners, except for one major difference - he doesn't have one solitary funny line. The ditsy characters are, predictably, women who are either strippers, whores or Eastern European lipstick lesbians. The one good point comes surprisingly from Hugh Hefner, who offers some heartfelt advice to Tucker. Craig Robinson's (a bit player from the Judd Apatow comedies) rapper, Horsedick, weighs in with the odd scene that are almost funny.

If you're a 16-year-old boy, horny, easily amused and haven't seen Superbad et al, then Miss March will be your movie of the year. If you're not any of these avoid, avoid, avoid.