Immortals

Watch Trailer

Cavill is peasant mother's boy, Theseus. Taught how to fight - and generally be a noble sort -from a very young age by John Hurt's mysterious old man, he's grown into somewhat of a protector of his downtrodden village. When soldiers turn up and announce that Mickey Rourke's rootless King Hyperion is on the way, and on the warpath, Theseus's brief absence results in his mother being violently slain by the evil king. Now the proprietor of a grudge the size of Stephen Dorff's ego, he sets out to avenge the murder of his mother - and maybe play a key role in a bit of a war involving the watching gods (including Luke Evans and Kellan Lutz).

Tarsem Singh has always been known as a visionary stylist, capable of delivering genuinely stunning images on screen. But the script here is both derivate of other recent productions, and shockingly convoluted. The film feels like a bunch of scenes randomly thrown together never really achieving a flow so never really engaging. The plot, supporting characters and general exchanges between actors are horrible; even taking into account the hyperbolic setting, the dialogue is woeful and feels like a high school rehearsal - where they used the best looking kids available.

But when the action scenes do happen, they are spectacular. Granted, Zack Synder has done the slow motion, one take scrap before in 300, but there's an added edge here with the cartoonish violence. The god's come to earth abnd open cans of whoop-ass so epic, you can almost feel the screen shaking. The final third begins with such a battle, and an impressive rallying cry from Cavill, who does the best he can with an empty script.

If you don't mind a bit of shaved man-nipple, love slick action and gorgeous visuals then you'll love the second half of Immortals. So if you're running late on your way to the cinema or can't find parking, that's probably a good thing.