First Night

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With Shakespeare's adaptations still as popular as they once were, First Night's producer Stephen Evans hopes that First Night will start a new trend – the adaptations of opera. If that's the case, the jokes have to be updated from the 18th century, as the gags in First Night, based on Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutti, are old as they are tired. Here's one typical example: Adam (Grant) tiptoes down the hallway of his lavish home as he tries to locate the sound of a woman making orgasmic squeals. He pushes open the door to reveal… Celia (Brightman) receiving a massage. Ah. She wasn't having sex. It was just a misunderstanding, you see? Another fresh and original idea is that two characters make a bet to bed a beautiful woman before the first night, but one of them falls in love with her and she finds out about the bet and… well, you get the idea.

Sir Adam is a wealthy industrialist who sets out to prove to his contemporaries that he's more than just another soulless money grabbing richie – he can also belt out an opera tune when he wants to. To that end he hires a small cast, a director and a composer to play an outdoor opera where he can invite his wealthy friends to coo over his talent and hopefully woo Celia into bed in the process. However, things go pear-shaped: the director (Oliver Dimsdale) is fed up with operas where the players just stand and sing and wants movement, which causes concern in a cast steeped in tradition. He also wants the leads to 'sizzle' but Mia Maestro and Julian Ovenden hate the sight of each other.

So many a romantic misunderstanding ensues as the actors spend more time squabbling and falling into each other's beds than learning their lines, which is supposed to be the 'fun' of it all. It's not fun – not by a long shot. It's an unfocused film, with the story flitting about the place as it tries to get everyone equal screen time. Director Menual even finds time for the gardener's son to bed one of the singers, as if Menual didn't have enough to be getting on with a principal cast who have to do nothing in particular. The performances are very hammy but the actors are a little hamstrung by the characters: there isn't a likeable or interesting character here and none of them are afforded a decent line.

With all the lust and sex and rutting in the bushes going on, First Night is still a eunuch of a film. The music is great, though.