Conan the Barbarian
Director: Marcus Nispel
Starring: Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan, Stephen Lang
Details: US/112 mins (15A)
As a young boy, Conan has his village attacked by Stephen Lang's evil warlord Khalar Zym, who kills his heroic aul' lad Corin (Perlman) - the proprietor of part of mask that he wants. Fifteen minutes in, Conan is all grown up into the imposing Momoa and he's all set to crack some canisters in the quest to avenge his father. Along the way he bumps into the beautiful Tamara (Nichols), a nun who is a direct descendant of the necromancers - the folk who built the mask that caused all this ruckus in the first place.
There's a certain, well, charm is the wrong word, and attraction seems a bit funny too, let's say element to Conan that is somewhat entertaining. It's pure brute force at times, which will surprise few given the source material and original film. It's just the characters are basically mannequins with voice boxes and the story is so mind-numbingly familiar you'll probably lose interest after twenty five minutes.
The scale, set design and cinematography are all extremely impressive, with director Nispel using his camera to sweeping effect. Dialogue is reduced to grunting, and the only real performance in the film is given by youngster Leo Howard, who impresses in the opening fifteen minutes as the young Conan.
Incoherent and messy, fanboys will enjoy the body count building as the film moves on, but this is generally poor stuff.
Review by Mike Sheridan
Your Comments
NothingMan
I'm seriously dreading this. Pathfinder was comically bad. When your fx budget for that kind of film involves cutting a shaky camera on a bad set with a 80's national geographic footage of an avalanche you know you're in trouble.
Posted 09/08/2011 13:26:47
JK913
Thanks for the thumbs down. If gay men don't like it, it's going to be really good for anybody with actual testosterone running around in their body. Seriously, you should go watch Barbi meets Bambi if you didn't like Oathfinder (They get along smashingly b2w, I thought the pink bow tie on Bambi was a nice touch, and the hot tea and crumpets scene before Barbi had to move away brought tears to ones eyes).
Posted 20/08/2011 20:03:35
Deianera
MARVELOUS movie- a big improvement over the original (lets face it, Arnold's neither handsome or the brightest bulb in the firmament). 5 stars! Pay attention, folks- this is what the world will be like in the near future.
Posted 22/08/2011 02:41:21
FilmBuff76
As the film started and I heard some familiar words being narrated by Morgan Freeman, I was looking forward to returning to Conan's world. Unfortunately, that's where the resemblance to the Arnie films ends. This new one is a completely different film and is all the worse for it. It's bland, boring, predictable and has over-the-top rent-a-villains. The '82 original felt like an ancient film that had been unearthed from a mystical time; the new one just feels like an overstretched TV movie with C-list actors. I'm just thankful that I opted for the 2D version and didn't waste any extra money on it (it's a conversion, so it's fake 3D).
Posted 24/08/2011 21:07:57
Ruairi Kavanagh
The reviewer got it generally right, there is a certain bright and breezy B Movie feel to Conan. It certainly doesn't look like a 90$m dollar movie, like everything else it's filmed in a way that makes it look like a glorified tv show. However, I was dreading going to see this, being a big fan fo the first Schwarzenegger movie and having read all the books and comics. I have to say, while it's no classic by a long shot, it was a lot better then I though t it would be. Momoa is charismatic as Conan, the world of Hypboria is pretty much represented the way Robert E,Howard wrote it and the cliches come thick and fast (Why do temples always start falling down after eveil spells?) and the tongue is firmly in cheek. It could have been much better, but it also could have been a lot worse. Particularly like the lack of annoying cgi, most of the stunts are done by stuntmen and as I said above it does have a certain b movie 'charm' of sorts. But it's dropping likea stone in the US so I doubt we'll be seeing any sequels. It would workl fine as an hour long tv show though.
Posted 25/08/2011 14:46:34
Ruairi Kavanagh
Ps: I agree with above comments regarding Pathfinder-one of the worst movies ever made.
Posted 25/08/2011 14:47:02
Bertaut
Another week another bad remake. And yeah, Pathfinder was truly awful
Posted 25/08/2011 22:55:26
damienmcd
Why would they want to remake this? The first one was awful so I don't know what they're expecting to achieve with a remake with an unknown in the lead role. Conan The Destroyer was better than The Barbarian.
Posted 30/08/2011 13:53:01
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