Colombiana

Release Date: 09 September 2011
Director: Olivier Megaton
Starring: Callum Blue, Michael Vartan, Zoe Saldana
Details: US / 83 Mins (15A)

"There's a formula to it, a very simple formula." You may ask yourself why i'm quoting Randy from Scream in a review for a film that bears not even the slightest resemblance to the genre classic, but that fictitious, Nostradamus rivalling film geek hit the nail on the head for the future career of Luc Beeson. Along with a couple of regular contributors, he's turned into a low-grade action studio - never directing but scripting and producing familiar feeling flicks predominately built around revenge. It worked for Taken, but it hasn't worked since and Colombiana is another pointless, familiar effort.

Avatar's ass-kicking giant blue chick, Zoe Saldana is a young woman who had her mother and father killed by a criminal gang in their native Bogota. Making her way to America as a young girl, she meets her Uncle who trains her to be an assassin. Soon, the opportunity to avenge the death of her parents arises, so she stops humping Michael Vartan's artist and sets about handing some henchmen their arses.

Colombiana is the kind of film that opens in a different country and has everyone speaking English until they're upset about something and spout off in their native tongue. A scene like that tells you a lot about this film from the start. Firstly, the filmmakers were either too lazy to include subtitles, or thought it would put off the audience - either way their shamelessly pandering to the action crowd or didn't care enough about the script. It's an excuse for bullets and mayhem which it promises, but never really delivers.

On the plus side Saldana looks every part the action star and actually makes a snug lycra onesie look practical. This was obviously meant to be a new take on Besson's Nikita, but the film never gels and the script is far too by the numbers for any character other than Saldana's to really register. The underrated Vartan might as well be a battery operated mannequin such is his relevance.

The action is disappointing, the execution average and the plot all too familiar. Saldana does her best, but this never really entertains the way it should.

Review by Mike Sheridan

Watch the Entertainment.ie Movie Show Watch the latest Entertainment.ie Movie Show

You Instead

Post Mortem

Back to Movie Reviews

Your Comments

noel

Terrible, dont bother. I am wondering though who this Beeson person is? Surely you mean Besson as in Luc!!!!

Posted 10/09/2011 14:08:45

beamer.11

amazing!! went in not expecting much from this film as ive heard nothing about it but it turned out to b brill...def recommend it...went with my boyfriend and he loved it too, the fact that Zoe Sandler is a babe was a bonus.. Love this

Posted 12/09/2011 10:38:30

georgie

this sounds like total s**te

Posted 12/09/2011 14:11:10

KickedArse

People who post grammar corrections under reviews annoy the hell out of me! Noel, chill, dude, the point was made

Posted 12/09/2011 20:32:34

FilmBuff76

Given that Colombiana is both written and produced by Luc Besson, this could easily have been a sequel to Leon. There's a similar story set-up and Zoe Saldana and Natalie Portman are similar in age. Anyway, it's an efficient enough revenge thriller that will pass the time, but won't leave you wanting more. I would personally love to see Mathilda - a sequel to Leon. Maybe if Luc Besson would stop making kids' films and producing other people's films...

Posted 12/09/2011 21:35:47

noel

Its a film review and the reviewer cant proof read his own stuff about the producer, before posting said review??? Please.

Posted 13/09/2011 15:39:51

Mike Sheridan

Typos are a fact of life for every journalist, Noel. I don't know if you are a writer, but it's very difficult to proof your own stuff, as it is easy to comment when you see a typo

Posted 13/09/2011 15:41:31

pandabat

You also used "their" when you should have used "they're" :p

Posted 14/09/2011 09:02:03

Mike Sheridan

If you people don't leave me alone I'm gonna start writing reviews in txt speak. Smiley face.

Posted 14/09/2011 13:38:21

pandabat

It'll be like half the viewer reviews used to be then :)

Posted 15/09/2011 13:47:10

KickedArse

Please? Dude, you need a hug and more important things to worry about.

Posted 19/09/2011 16:41:20

damienmcd

It would be good to have less moaning and more fan input about the movie. I, for one, was hoping it would be more of a Leon sequel but going by the review it doesn't seem to deliver. Shame really!!

Posted 21/09/2011 17:11:20

Login or Register to leave a comment

Disclaimer

The opinions expressed here are those of the viewer and do not reflect those of Entertainment.ie. Entertainment.ie accepts no responsibility, legal or otherwise, for their accuracy of content. Please contact us to report abusive content