The Angry Birds Movie

Must... not… be… cynical…

Does The Angry Birds Movie exist to flog apps and games and merchandising or is it just capitalising on a pre-sold audience? The former angers me greatly: How many great scripts are being shelved to make room for something you download to your phone? The latter angers me too but is sadly more the norm these days: "What film is at the local picture house? Angry Birds?!? That name of that product is familiar to me – let’s go see that."

But then The Lego Movie was great, wasn’t it? Phil Lord and Christopher Miller gave their film substance but the Angry Birds script is a marketing tool - stuck in a holding pattern, buffing out the running time with needless flashbacks until it belatedly gets down the business of easily-vexed fowls propelled by a catapult.

Red (Sudeikis) is a malcontent stuck on an island of happy-clappers, all obeying the sage words of the legendary Mighty Eagle (Dinklage). Red’s surly attitude rubs up against his cheery islanders – all species of birds who cannot fly – and he is forced to attend anger management class taught by Matilda (Rudolph) where he meets Chuck (Gad), Bomb (Danny McBride) and the imposing Terence (Sean Penn asked to do nothing but grumble). Eventually – and it does take an age for this to come about – a ship runs aground on the beach bringing with it idiot pigs (headed up Bill Hader) who appear to be friendly sorts. But then the suspicious Red discovers the pigs are stealing the island’s eggs…

So it’s only the last fifteen minutes (and this surely can’t be a spoiler), when the birds lay siege to the pig kingdom and launch themselves at their wobbly structures, that the film bears any resemblance to the app. In the long run up to that there’s genuine bemusement at the film’s message to grapple: from time to time, when the situation calls for it, it’s okay to lose the ceann and have at 'em. A far cry from Inside Out's it’s okay to be sad sometimes then.

Co-directed by Irishman Fergal Reilly (who cut his teeth as a storyboard artist for Space Jam, The Iron Giant, and Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs), Angry Birds looks busy, appearing to give Sudeikis’s Red plenty to do but twenty-four hours after the screening it’s hard to remember what he actually did. It’s bright and colourful and tries to be fun (random pop culture references include The Shining, Fifty Shades and Rick Astley) but it has all the emotional impact of clearing a level in the game.

Expect a sequel. And more games. And a Happy Meal. Perhaps a chart-topping tune from Rihanna (feat. Rita Ora and 911) too.

Must… not… be… cynical…