Star Rating:

Elfie Hopkins

Director: Ryan Andrews

Actors: Aneruin Barnard, Jaime Winstone, Ruby Gammon.

Release Date: Monday 30th November -0001

Running time: 89 minutes

You have to buy into Elfie Hopkins to 'get it'. You have to buy into the campy setting, the Enid Blyton-for-adults plotting, the piss-poor acting and the tongue-in-cheek ghastly Midsomer Murders. Yes, buying into all that is paramount if one is to enjoy this detective caper or one will think it's just shite from start to finish, which it is.

The only thing that lifts Elfie Hopkins' (Winstone) perpetual teenage scowl and killing the boredom of being stuck in the countryside is rolling a joint with friend Dylan (Barnard). Boredom isn't an issue when the Gammon family move in next door, though, as Elfie's gumshoe instincts kick in. There's something about the Gammons line of work (mysterious exotic world trips), something about their weirdo kids (they're really weird) and something about the dead body (it's really dead) that turns up in the surrounding woods not ten minutes after they move in that has Elfie in a dizzy. When she goes snooping about with the reluctant Dylan, she uncovers a terrible secret.

It's not terrible - it's boring, which is some feat when your movie is about a killer slashing up the English countryside. It has garnered an 18s cert but where they got that one from is hard to guess because this is tame stuff really - everything about Elfie Hopkins screams BBC miniseries. It drops hints of where it's going and what the Gammons are up to every five minutes just in case you pop out to the toilets on a regular basis. If only they got the tone right but director Ryan Andrews and writer Riyad Barmania allow Elfie to fall down between too many stools.

But all that could be forgiven if the lead character wasn't such a drag. A walking smacked arse with a stupid hat, Elfie is as irritating as they come. We don't know how old she is (she lives at home and best friend Dylan is thinking of leaving for university, so that puts her around eighteen) but because Jamie Winstone looks every minute of her twenty-seven years, it's hard to buy into her being Nancy Drew to his Hardy Boy, which is essential to the heart of the film.

Producer Ray is on the poster but Jamie Winstone's dad turns up as a butcher in one scene only, but that scene does feel like it goes on for an hour so the poster isn't lying.