As Dublin and all urban areas have become pretty much impossible to rent in without offering your first-born child as a deposit, more and more people are looking to renting a house as opposed to an apartment.

Having done both, we feel we're keenly placed to discuss this phenomenon. Here's a quick rundown of the differences between living in a house and an apartment if you're looking to change up your living arrangement.

 

AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS IN ELEVATORS AREN'T A THING IN A HOUSE

"Oh, weather. Yeah, that's mad." Cough. Look at the floor. Pray for the door to open. Open, please. Open. Open. OH GOD OPEN. "See ya."

 

HAVING TO PAY YOUR TV LICENCE BECAUSE THE GUY CAN COME STRAIGHT TO YOUR DOOR

Not that we're condoning not paying your TV licence, but it's way easier to dodge the Inspector in an apartment. If you see the guy in the halls and he's knocking on your door, you can just walk by and say, "Oh, I think that's empty?" and calmly make your way to the back-door, change your name by deed poll and move country. When you're in a house, you can't do that. You can, but it's way harder to convince the guy you don't live there when you're in your jimmies.

 

IF YOU WANT SKY, YOU CAN HAVE SKY IN A HOUSE

You don't have to roam the halls of your apartment like a Jehovah's Witness, professing the brilliance of having SkyArts. No, you can watch those vintage Doobie Brothers concerts without having to convince your neighbours to get Sky.

 

NOT HAVING THE FEAR OF SETTING THE APARTMENT BUILDING ON FIRE FOR A BARBECUE

With a house, you've got an entire backyard to set on fire. In an apartment, it's a dangerous, tension-filled operation that involves skilful planning and the ability to balance piping-hot sausages on a plate on a very thin railing whilst taking a sip of your can.

 

IS YOUR NEIGHBOUR HAVING A PARTY? CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE HAVING ONE TOO

You'd better be into deep-house post-industrial dubstep, because that's what you're going to be hearing for the next six hours when you're in an apartment. Also, prepare to have some guy called Geoff who's really into gauge earrings and Tool talk to you about how Enda Kenny is actually a lizard-man.

 

JUNK MAIL IS NO LONGER AN ISSUE

Well, let's look at it like this. Junk mailers are more likely to ignore it if you've got a dog that'll roar whenever something gets shoved through the box. Which leads us to...

 

IT'S WAY EASIER TO HAVE A DOG IN A HOUSE THAN AN APARTMENT

This is just a natural law. If your dog decides that today's the day he's going to empty out his bowels in a violent torrent of poo, that's not as much an issue for you if you've got a backyard. A solid day of rain will sort that for you. When it happens in apartment, you're calling in a guy with a flamethrower.

 

YOU CAN AIR OUT YOUR CLOTHES AND HAVE A CLOTHESLINE IN A HOUSE

Again, this goes back to the backyard. You can't showcase your unmentionables out the balcony when it's an apartment. Nobody wants to your themed underwear, folks. Get used to it.

(We couldn't find a clothesline .gif that didn't involve a wrestling clothesline. Sorry about that.)

 

IF YOU'RE IN THE HEATING TRIFECTA, YOU'VE GOT FREE HEATING

The science behind this is simple. If the person to either side of you has the heating on and the one above or below has heating, you're basically getting free heating. Because heat rises. Science.