Christian Talbot rants about US TV show addiction

Words: Christian Talbot

I have a problem. I'm tired all the time. My wife has me worn out. I'm exhausted. Every evening it's the same routine. She tries to get me out of my clothes and into bed at the earliest opportunity and she keeps me awake most nights until 2 o'clock in the morning saying, "Just one more" in an eager passionate voice. That's right. My wife is addicted to American TV Shows. At the moment it's Season 2 of Game of Thrones. Last month it was Mad Men. There's always another one.

The biggest problem is that these shows are addictive and between Netflix and box sets, you don't have to wait a week for the next episode like you had to do when I was young. The next episode is only a couple of clicks away. It's like the TV equivalent of Pringles. Once you pop, you can't stop. And when one series finishes, there is always another. When the last episode of Boardwalk Empire is shown, I'm unceremoniously kicked out of the bed and into the study to find new and unheard of American shows to keep the addiction sated. Have you heard of a series called "Suits"? No, I didn't think so. But we have. Series one and two.

And just when you think you've got some respite with the last ever episode of "House", along comes Aaron Sorkin (writer of the "West Wing" and "The Social Network") with "The Newsroom". Another fast paced, intelligent drama series where clever people walk along corridors together at a jog while firing out dialogue like a machine gun. Not just any old dialogue but sharp, witty discussions, mostly full of essential plot points. This is very entertaining at 8pm in the evening but you try following it at 1am after a glass* of wine. Plus I'm not great at keeping up with things anyway. Quick witted, I am not. In the witted stakes I'm more middle distance or marathon paced. I find Antiques Roadshow moves along too swiftly for me. When watching these shows my mental tardiness usually results in the same conversation;

Me: "Who's that guy?"
My Wife: "He's her boyfriend"
Me: "Was he in it before?"
My Wife: "He was in it 5 minutes ago!"
Me: "I don't remember seeing that. What happened?"
My Wife: "I'm not explaining it to you!"
Me: "Can we rewind for a second?"
My Wife: "Touch the remote and I'll break your friggin hand. And put down the phone, there is no one on Facebook at this hour."

I have numerous seasons of this to look forward to. The strange thing is, the shows that I like don't interest her in the least. Breaking Bad and Louie leave her cold (I know! She's got NO taste!), so I'm reduced to watching them on my own, on the laptop when she's out, as if it's some sort of embarrassing pornography.

I blame American TV for my lack of sleep, my fatigue, my often delicate mental state and my conditioning that all stories should be in 24 separate sections of 40 minutes in length.

And we haven't even watched The Wire yet...

*bottle

Christian headlines at the Ned Keenan Comedy Club in the Maple Hotel, Gardiner Street, Dublin on Friday 6th of July, performs in "Three Men and a Bitter Lady" as part of the 10 Days inDublin Festival in the Twisted Pepper on the 10th and 11th of July and in Garvey's Comedy Club in Galway on the 12th of July.

Story by EI Team | 09:00 | Friday 6th July 2012 | Comedy

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