Spider-Man 3

Viewer Rating:Derek McGee has rated Spider-Man 3 rating: 0.5 Star

Ut tears my heart out to report that it's terrible. Not quite Batman & Robin-terrible, but something akin to X Men 3-terrible. Now, before I start, let me just clarify, I love parts 1 and 2 and I love Sam Raimi's work. He's as creative a director as there is working in the business today and has been for 20 years, and I guess that's what tears me up about the mess that is Spiderman 3. I'll keep this as spoiler free as I can, as I believe in letting people make up their own minds... Where to start? Ok, let's start with the good... As you might expect, JK Simmons and Bruce Campbell are top notch. Simmons continues to channel the spirit of J Jonah Jameson to a tee and Bruce, in a more fleshed out cameo than 1 and 2, has a lot of fun as a Clouseau-esque Maitre' D. Also, the CGI for the symbiote suit and subsequently Venom was also well done without being overly flashy, and this was a concern of mine going in, that it might be about the effects rather than the story. Unfortunately, as far as good things go, that's it. As for the bad, I don't know where to start. Right from the get go, something didn't feel right (I'm not fanboy enough to say it was Spider-sense!). The opening credits were embellished with scenes from 1 and 2, not comic book art as used to good effect in 2, but actual clips. This felt a little hackneyed and un-necessary. The opening scene where Peter goes to see MJ perform on Broadway was the real clincher. Here we have Kirsten Dunst on stage, miming to the worst dubbed-over singing I've seen outside of Bollywood. It was painfully obvious it wasn't her and made even more so by a scene later in the movie where she sings in a jazz club and it's obviously her... and the girl can sing! That was the real clincher for me that things were going wrong and so it came to pass. I could go on all day about everything that was gut-wrenchingly bad about the movie but I'll try and condense it as best I can. First, Spidey/Peter Parker. As normal Spidey/Parker, Tobey Maguire does his usual solid job as the geek with powers. It's when he becomes Black Spidey that things go wrong. He's just not bad-ass enough. I don't know whose idea it was, but the way they convey that he's no longer nice, dorky Parker but is instead Peter Parker, neighbourhood thug is to comb his hair differently and have him wear eyeliner, like some reject from Panic At The Disco. This leads to two of the most cringeworthy scenes in the movie, one a Saturday Night Fever pastiche and the other a dance scene! (I know, I know, you want to read that again, but trust me, they both happened!). There's no in-depth insight into the struggle between the real Parker and the suit, as there was in the comics. When he does come to the realisation of what's happening to him, it's almost a throwaway moment to create an easy transition to Venom. Which brings me nicely to the baddies. Firstly, Venom/Eddie Brock... sorry to disappoint, but Venom is in this move for all of 20 minutes, 20 minutes of a 2 and a half hour movie. Whilst the look is impressive, all you are getting is Eric Forman on speed, whereas the pre-venom Brock is just Eric Forman. I'm sure Topher Grace has more strings to his bow than reliving his TV past, but I've yet to see him do anything else, and this movie is no different. In my opinion, the whole Venom origin storyline is one of the strongest in the comic's long and illustrious, but for the most prevalent baddie in the Spidey mythos over recent years to be reduced to little more than a fanboy-pleasing cameo is frankly sinful. With Sandman, the problem is different. He's in it plenty and Thomas Haden-Church is solid in the role. The problem is the role itself. No longer is Flint Marko a petty hood who goes on an ego-trip when he gets his powers. Instead, he's a victim of circumstance, an everyman who's been downtrodden by God and justifies his actions with the most hackneyed plot device, the sick daughter. Even the revelation that he had killed Ben Parker but it "wasn't my fault" felt shoe-horned in as a means of excusing his actions. Finally, we have Harry Osborn/Green Goblin 2. Let me get this off my chest, I don't like James Franco. His acting involves either looking tortured or moronic vacant grin, that's it, that's his range and he's not called upon to change that here. He's still got daddy issues to take out on his best friend, but he's nowhere near manic or vengeful enough to be believable and then as if the word "hackneyed" hadn't been used enough in the preceding paragraphs, the film-makers throw in another cliche... he get's amnesia from a bump on the head and forgets that Spiderman "killed" his dad! This occurs early on in the film, and i was already close to tearing out my own hair and that of everyone else around me! I won't go into the romantic sub-plot as let's be fair, very few people care! It's a bit of a rehash of the one from part 2, only this time with Peter being the overachiever. Yes, Gwen Stacey appears, but she's barely more than a stock damsel-in-distress or, in the case of Bad Peter, a tool to make MJ jealous. Also, when the romance element rears its head, it's the cue for Aunt Mae to pop up, give Peter a little homespun wisdom and disappear again. It takes up WAY too much time in the middle act which could better have been used to flesh out Venom, or make more of the Parker-Symbiote conflict, but it doesn't and that's more sad than irritating. Overall, as a movie, it's too busy. 3 enemies mean too many cooks spoil an already-nicely simmering broth. We saw it with Batman Forever and Batman & Robin and we're seeing it here. There's very little of the human drama of the first two movies, rather there's a lot of melodrama, and we all know they're not the same thing. Also, to relegate two major characters from the Spidey universe, Gwen Stacey and Venom, to little more than scene-filling cameos, is nothing short of criminal. The finale is what had me closest to tears. Whilst the action was fine (and I should point out that throughout the movie, the action scenes were still rather good), the characterisation was apalling. As I said, I'm not one for spoilers, but giving Spidey a sidekick? C'mon, man, what the hell?!... and the dialogue was something George Lucas would have cringed at! I'm sure it will still rake in millions upon millions of dollars, as the first two would ensure a lot of return business, but Spiderman 3 smacks of a franchise that's run its course, at least for now, and needs to be put in suspending animation for a while a la Batman to allow for fresh eyes and fresh minds to try again some time down the road. What they need to do is make sure they don't decide to put a fourth installment in the hands of a lesser mortal than Raimi *cough*Ratner*cough* because it would truly destroy all the goodwill built up by the work that had gone before. It's time to let the Spidey franchise retain as much dignity as possible and let it rest... for now

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Review published on the 04 May 2007 10:31