The Brave One

Viewer Rating:Paul has rated The Brave One rating: 1 Star

I believe i've wasted enough time watching the movie, but just to help others, i'll waste another couple of minutes writing this. A bright sunny day, a stroll through town, a harmless waltz into HMV, there's a DVD sale, i buy two movies, No Country For Old Men and The Brave One, the latter being only €3.99. I watch No Country etc..., and it blows my mind. Days after it's long over, i find myself still thinking of how bloody fantastic it was. Then i watch Brave One... Biiiiiiiiggggggggggggg mistake! I was under the illusion that this was going to be a terrific revenge movie, in the style of Death Sentence, Wake Of Death or Death Wish. But maybe i should have noticed the fact that it didn't have Death in it's title, and had that annoying lesbian with the raspy voice, who ruined Silence Of The Lambs, but was A-OK in Flightplan and Panic Room, but i didn't, so here i am at home, watching this movie, and out of nowhere, i start wondering how strong the light fixtures are, and if i fell off a steep roof, would i scream falling down... That's when i knew i should have bought a sausage, mayonaise and lettuce roll instead. That would have excited me, filled me up, and kept me warm. This chunk of shit DVD did none of that. Yes, the occasional flash of sex and tit caught my eye, but then i remembered it's Jodie 'Shemale' Foster, and almost vomited. So what do i do with this load of crap?... Can't really bring it back for my €3.99, as i've both opened it and watched it. I considered running a knife over it and telling the store that it was like that when i bought it. But then they'd just stick me with another copy, and it'd probably end up under a 78A on my way back home. Not even the case is of any use to me, it's cheap crap, so not putting it on any of my good movies. So now i'm using it to prop my TV a little to the left to stop sun light ruining my viewing of far better material. So all in all, dreadful movie, horrible Jodie trying to be Chuck Norris, and ending up like Norris from Coronation Street instead, crappy directing from our own Neil Jordan (Shame on you Neil, which hurts me to say, and you've even had a chance to direct a tranny in the past, and yet you still failed) and overly long, boring, and quite frankly, a massive pile of bollocks. Avoid if you want something good, watch by all means if you wish to depress yourself into suicidal thoughts, or plain and simple, if i don't like you. Moral of this crappy review???... Every lump of shit has it's use, even if it's not for growing roses :)

Review published on the 02 March 2009 22:07